If you start Mount & Blade: Warband and wait 10 minutes till it has loaded like me, you will see a basic menu on the left side of your screen. Options like 'Play Tutorial', 'Load Game' and 'Multiplayer' are visible in the menu. For us, the option 'Multiplayer' is the most interesting (you will find out later why). So click on that option, and you will get prompted with choosing a name for your multiplayer character.

Now take heed, picking the right name is crucial to your succes with women in this game. I have done an extensive study on possible names and their effects on women (or the men pretending to be women).

My findings are as follows:

• Names with the following numbers in it decrease your chances of success: 69, 420, 666, 123(456789), 999, or any of these combinations. This makes you look unprofessional and immature. Women generally like mature and professional men (Kanye West, 2013).
  
• Names with offensive words or/and profanities are generally not a good idea. I have had the least success with the name '♥♥♥♥♥destroyer69', although that may be because of bad timing in the server.
  
• Use names of famous attractive men, like Ryan_Gosling, Zezima and Donald_Trump. This way she will associate you with attractive people and therefore think YOU are attractive (let's not kid each other, you are ugly as ♥♥♥♥).

Now you are ready to select a suitable name, with the hopes of acquiring a suitable mate.

It's is known that women are more empathic than men, thus you need to take advantage of this. Try to avoid servers that have a lot of people, because women join servers with fewer people to get attention for the sole fact that they are a girl. An ideal server is a team-based game mode, such as capture the flag, team deathmatch and battle.

Now that have picked the right multiplayer server after several tries to join servers which you have been permanently banned from, it's time to choose a faction between the two displayed on the screen.

This is a very difficult step in this guide, because - brace yourselves - women have different interests. Some may prefer the soft yellow touch of the Sarranid Sultante, while others want to dominate men with their fellow Nordic warriors. This is generally a process with a lot of trial and error, but practice makes perfect.
Make sure you hit 'Tab' to see the scoreboard and see which team has players in it with women's names.



I choose to join the Kingdom of Swadia because every woman will get wet when they see a stronk knight.

Now that you have chosen the right faction to join, it is finally time to play dress up and make sure you are #dapper enough to approach a female in the server.

Now you have 2 options with your armour, one is riskies than the other (try to guess for yourself which one):

• Go without armour, either full-on naked to show your washboard abs and V-taper, or without armour but still with the standard (tight-fitting clothes) to show your lean, muscular body. Again, this may come as a suprise, but women have different interests and are turned on by different things. You need to try both to see which yields more success in your woman-hunting conquest.
  
  
  
  
• Clad yourself in the most expensive armour you can afford. While this may attract golddiggers who only want to add you on Steam because of your very expensive Swadian infantry armour, it does display status and money.*
  
  * Please note that most multiplayer servers have a mechanism where you earn money if you kill and lose money if you die. If you are on a killing streak and you can afford the most expensive armour, you can take the plunge and spend it.
  But if you get killed a lot afterwards, you won't be able to afford all of your armour and weapons. This WILL result in shame and mocking by the women in the server. If you are very unlucky, they will hold a vote to kick/ban you because you have displayed such disgraceful behaviour, but that only happens very rarely.

Now, about weapons. Women generally DO care about size, so make sure you get the longest, thickest weapon you can afford (even after you get killed a lot, see the warning above) and show it to them. Make sure to take pictures of it with the F12 key and send them an unsollicited 'weaponpic' to seductively charm them in sending their shields ;).
Again, this isn't without risk. She may not like you that way and will send your 'weaponpic' to other females and laugh about how small it is (even if you think it looks big!!). So only do it if you are SURE she will like it.

Now this is where it gets hot 'n steamy. You actually get to flirt with the woman in the server (or the man who pretends to be a woman).

To increase your chances of success, make sure you are in the same faction/team as her. This way, you can use the team chat ('T' key) to talk to her. This will reduce the chance of others meddling in your flirting affairs with about 50%. Do not be a basic boy and say 'hey, how are you doing', women get those messages every day. Try being original, compliment her on her banner, say it matches her eyes and personality. Make a witty remark when she kills someone near you, thank her for saving you. You really need to see what works and what not, so don't be afraid to try something different.

If you have followed my guide, you either have been banned from every multiplayer server OR you are almost ready to ask the girl for her number. Now this is an approach that has worked for me several times. It uses the deep and complicated female psyche to manouvre the complex paths of female reasoning.

1. Flirt with her as outlined in chapter 5
   
2. Google pick up lines and follow up with the question; "Can I have your digits/number?"
   
3. 100% of the time, she will say something like "No, sorry. I don't give my personal phone number to online men."
   
4. Ridicule her by saying you meant the digits of her Steam Profile ID.
   
5. Her conscience will tell her she was mean, and thus she will be compelled to give her Steam Profile ID to you.
   
6. Add her on Steam!

Congratulations with adding your very first girl to your Steam friends list. All that is left is basic flirting and playful teasing till she either reports and blocks you, or will be acceptive of your advances and take it further from there.



Unfortunately I was ignored like with most women. Like I said, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Below you can see me venting my feelings about the situation and someone agreeing with me.




The heaviest feel of all is the feel of no gf ;_;