Have you ever looked at somebody eating in a resturaunt, and thought How do you do that? Have you ever seen edible material just sitting around and wishing you knew how to eat?

THEN LOOK NO FURTHER

In this guide, I will teach you how to eat food, and not choke and die in the process!

You can't just go around eating anything! First you need to make sure it is safe to consume. I have put together a list of ways you can check if your target is edible!

• It smells good
  
• It feels good
  
• It looks good
  
• Other people are eating it and not dying

Smell: Fairly simple really, (if you do not know how to smell please see a doctor or my optional guide how to smell *not yet availiable*) But as a recap, to smell something just cram it into your nostrils. If you can't breath, congratulations! You're smelling it!

Feel: Rub it all over yourself, if it doesn't burn you or do physical or mental damage it's probably okay.

Looks: If it looks like something you want to eat, go for it!

Other people are eating it: If other people are doing it, why can't you?

Eating is fairly complicated, so I've put it into very basic steps. Follow these and you'll be good to go!

1. Open your mouth
   
2. Place food in mouth
   
3. Close mouth
   
4. Push the food under your teeth with your tounge
   
5. Quickly push your teeth together
   
6. Repeat last process until food has become mush in your mouth
   
7. Swallow

Well done! If you follow these steps, you'll be eating like a normal person in no time! Try practicing on small rocks or little animals to get used to it. If you feel like something is stuck in your throat, remember the heimlich maneuver. Slam your head into a hard surface repeatedly until you don't feel anything in your throat anymore.

What the heck am I doing with my life.