Mount & Blade: Warband

Mount & Blade: Warband

65 ratings
How to be a dope beat maker in Napoleonic Wars
By Don Capybara
For all of you Skrillex wanna-be musicians, this guide should guide you towards the proper way of being an MLG dubstep instrument playing beast on the battlefield. You will make all of those who stand in your way wee in their trousers, and they shall become jealous of your dope beats.

If you wish to find me in-game, my name is [34th-MR]Musical_Mustache
I am the master of killer tunes on the battlefield.
   
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So you think that you can make dope beats?
(I made this fantastic meme picture. I'll go die now.)

As the picture states above, you can't just hop out their and make killer beats for the whole world to enjoy. It takes finesse, strength, and lots of style(Or if you are hip, then I guess you will need lots of swag MLG dosh points).

Now that you have started reading this amazing guide, you already on your path to becoming a totally swagged-out beat maker of the Napoleonic Wars game thingy.
Your Tools of the Trade. (Dope beat makers)
On the field of angry people with pointy weapons and explodey stuff, you will be out there with what seems to be no weapons other than your butter knife that your general kindly tossed at you. You are armed with some of the deadliest beat makers of the early 19th century(More commonly reffered to as instruments).

Here will be a list of the classes and sweet tunes that are made with them.
The Fantastic Fifer

Choosing this class, or whatever you youngsters call it now-a-days, gives you a glorious flute to make sweet symphonies for allies and enemies alike. Only difference for your audience between allies and enemies is that enemies are most likely to poke you in the face instead of listening. If you choose to go on roid-rage, then you can try to do something with the flimsy butter knife provided to you by the poor beggars of the streets.

As a fifer, You should stay with other musicians so that you can support the musical powers of your army and create the most killer beats of all time.
The Perilous Piper


This grand man of piping powers is only available to the tea-drinking British armies, but this role is fufilled by a proud Scotsman. Being a Scot with an amazing bagpipe leads many enemies to target you first so that they may feast upon your tasty musical organs. Keeping this in mind, you have been armed with a highlander sword. Something like that. I don't know. It is much better than the butter knife that most musicians receive.

As a piper, you should march straight towards the cowardly foes to make them release their bowels all over their nicely made clothing. Make them realise that you, the magestic musician, have much nicer clothes than they do and a bombastic bagpipe to shred some killer songs on.
The Dubious Drummer

These musicians are awarded a cylinder and two sticks so that they may pound onto it to their hearts desire. In some way, shape, or form, it creates music. Drums are meant to be heard, and that is exactly what a drummer can do.

As a drummer, you should stick with your people. They have the explodey guns and pointy things that keep you alive and pounding on that drum of yours. Your drums make those minions of yours more brave so that they die because you were pounding a cyclinder. Give yourself a pat on the back.
The Heroic Hornist
At one point in time, I deprived you of a great descriptive word that would work for this section. Thanks to [SFS] M-DAWG and his comment, this section is just as fantastic as the rest.
As a hornist, you are given a piece of metal. To make music(dope beats) out of this piece of metal, you must procede to breathe heavily into it and hope that it begins to scream in terror. I am absolutely sure that this is how a horn works. Trust me.

You could try to be nicer to the horn, and make the screams of terror into screams of joy(Not trying to make this dirty or anything, you sick person).
The Brave Bugle player and the Terrific Trumpeter

This is the bugle player thingy horseman guy. He play the bugle. This bugle player is only available to the British, I think. I am not sure. You should look that up and rant at me in the comments for being wrong about this. Go ahead and report me to Gabe, the PC Master Race God, if you find something wrong with this description or whole guide.

The trumpeter and the bugle player have been included in the same section together because they both love My Little Pony, so they ride there ponies into battle. If you are too manly to ride a pony and are afraid of your manhood shriveling up at the very thought of this, then call the pony a WAR STEED. This will make you feel more manly about yourself.

Anyways, these guys like to make their dope beats and sick music while knocking people over and getting away with it like little hoodlums. If there are enough of you in a group, you can cause more rage than the black community of Ferguson by knocking over all of your enemies as they are busy gouging out the eyeballs of you allies.
Some great ways to make Dope Beats.
Now that I have forced all of this great and completely accurate imformation down your precious neckhole, lets begin on some great ways to make dope beats on the battlefield and look really cool.

1. Drop your puny butter knife
By doing this, you are showing your wimpy minions(fellow troops) that you above the common ways of murder. You can sway the enemies by the gracious melody of dope beats.



2. Find other musicians(Wicked Beat Makers)
By finding other Manly Stanleys in the field that wish to make sweet tunes for everyone in-game, it helps to get a band going. You can start a band in your garage and wake up all the neighbors so that they don't miss your killer band sessions.



3. Dance while making sick beats
By dancing along with your sick beats, you make yourself look like you are the supreme leaders of dubstep hardcore rock bands 2K15. Nobody, except for ignorant barbarians that don't enjoy your music, will mess with you if you can dance soldier. If you dance hard enough, you will end up just like this guy.











4. No matter what, keep making those dope beats
Never stop making your awesome music. No matter how many cannon balls, musket shots, and sword slashes that have killed you in-battle, you should always continue on to make your amazing rock band music. Just block out those haters of fine(dope) music(beats) and you will be right on your merry way to success, money, and lots of women.
You have made it.
Congrats m8. You have offically made it all the way through this guide and you are still alive. I managed to pull through my past crimes against humanity by leaving out a great adjective and I finished this guide so that you people could follow my foot steps to becoming the next best beat making in Guitar Hero....err...Mount and Blade: Warband Napoleonic Wars. Now, give yourself a pat on the back and give the closest platypus a high-five because you are about to rock so hard with all of this great advice I gave to you.

(Shameless advertisment below)
If you would like to join my regiment, add me on Steam and I will invite you so that we can make a cool rock band in my garage to practice our wicked music. My regiment does nothing but play music in public servers, so don't expect a whole lot of fun people-killing and pew-pew-pew shooty guns.

Link for the group/regiment is right here ---> http://steamproxy.net/groups/Musical_Mustache
39 Comments
Thomas 13 Mar, 2015 @ 8:53am 
1/10 too much water- IGN
Don Capybara  [author] 25 Feb, 2015 @ 6:55pm 
I made a fantastic new guide. Go check it out.
Methijuania 25 Feb, 2015 @ 5:52pm 
"Soul on a roll, but you treat it like soap on a rope
Cause the beats and the lines are so dope"

Could only think of Public Enemy while reading this.
Sanbonjime 23 Feb, 2015 @ 1:21pm 
The beats...... they are dope.
Don Capybara  [author] 20 Feb, 2015 @ 1:48pm 
I will send him a recruitment letter for the honorable 34th Musical Regiment. He will be our "wildcard" on the field.
Jiccs 20 Feb, 2015 @ 9:41am 
someone needs to enlist that dancer! the enemy we be too amazed to move, buying us time to sneak around and poke them with our pointy things.
Boap BacBavish 16 Feb, 2015 @ 11:36am 
9.5 The Dubious Drummer was outstanding in both combat, and charm - Metacritic
Mike 16 Feb, 2015 @ 11:34am 
10/10 would trumpet again- IGN
farathor 16 Feb, 2015 @ 5:42am 
This was very helpful, now I can make dope beats.
OFGWKATB 16 Feb, 2015 @ 12:56am 
Hey everybody we are still active as a group if you want to join search the 34th Musical Regiment so me you and Macho Man can make Dope beats together.