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Buddhaim Trainer

By m:VVS

Disclaimer: Enlightenment may not improve your K/D, but it will improve your attitude when you die in spawn.

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m:VVS
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Category: Gameplay Basics, Secrets, Story or Lore, Walkthroughs

Languages: English

Posted

Updated

20 Sep @ 1:22pm

8 Oct @ 5:14pm

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Guide Index

Overview

Environment Setup: “Detach from Distractions… and Your Sanity”

Warm-Up: “Impermanence Isn’t Just Philosophical”

Flick Training: “Middle Way Sniping”

Tracking: “Cursor Is Your Mind, Target Is Your Ego”

Reaction Time: “Detach From Outcome or Die Trying”

Reflection: “Leaderboard = Mirage, Tea = Real”

Bonus Buddhist Gamer Tips

Comments

Environment Setup: “Detach from Distractions… and Your Sanity”

Notifications are like Mara, the demon of distraction. Block them, unless you enjoy losing every duel because your phone told you Karen liked your post.
A messy desk is karma manifesting as a pen under your mouse. If your aim sucks, don’t blame the game — blame your cluttered life choices.
Lighting: dim enough to be meditative, bright enough so you can at least see your sad little mousepad.

Drill: Tile Frenzy 180

Watch each target appear and disappear like your fleeting sense of dignity.
Remember: every miss is a lesson in impermanence, every headshot is a cruel reminder that even death comes to you slowly… just like your aim.

Warm-Up: “Impermanence Isn’t Just Philosophical”

Your aim today will be terrible. Tomorrow, also terrible. Welcome to reality, champ.
Smooth tracking > ego-stroking flicks. You’re not a pro… yet. Or maybe never.
Breathing tip: inhale as you move mouse right, exhale left, repeat until enlightened or your wrist cries mercy.

Drill: Strafe Track 3-Target

Let missed shots flow past you like your failed life decisions. If you hit one, maybe that’s the only thing you’ve done right today.
Bonus: smile at every miss. It’s good for your karma, even if your kill count is garbage.

Flick Training: “Middle Way Sniping”

Over-flicking = grasping. Under-flicking = laziness. Middle Way = deadly elegant hesitation… something you’ve clearly never mastered
Imagine each enemy as a koan: “What is a headshot if not a fleeting concept… and why am I still missing?”

Drill: Tile Frenzy Flicks

Hit 108 targets. If you don’t, don’t worry—the Buddha wouldn’t judge your incompetence. Or maybe he would.
Optional: whisper “Mu” after each shot for maximum enlightenment and maximum embarrassment to anyone watching.

Tracking: “Cursor Is Your Mind, Target Is Your Ego”

Track like you’re meditating on the absurdity of existence, which is basically what watching you aim is like.
Smooth tracking > panic snapping. Smooth tracking = enlightenment. Too bad you probably don’t have it yet.

Drill: Smooth Track Large

Flow like water, miss like water, rage like water—but only if it’s warm tea, not your tears.
Mantra: “All hits are empty, all misses are empty, all rage quits are empty… except for the ones that make me question why I let you play this game.”

Reaction Time: “Detach From Outcome or Die Trying”

Milliseconds don’t matter. The universe doesn’t care. Your mom probably doesn’t care. Do you care?
Visualize enemies as ghosts of your unfulfilled potential. Pull trigger anyway—maybe you’ll surprise us all.

Drill: 1 Wall Target Switch

Miss? Bow to the impermanence of life. Kill? Bow anyway, because humility is a headshot’s best friend… and you clearly need all the help you can get.

Reflection: “Leaderboard = Mirage, Tea = Real”

Stats are illusions. Your aim is an illusion. Even your mouse might be an illusion. And your self-esteem? Definitely an illusion.
Ask yourself: did I laugh? Did I rage silently? Did I achieve enlightenment before realizing how bad I am at this?

Bonus Buddhist Gamer Tips

Deathmatch = Samsara.
Respawns = reincarnation.
Rage quit = karmic debt.
You’re accumulating a lot of debt, just saying.
Your mousepad is a Zen garden. Smudge it with tears of failure for extra realism.
Headshots are temporary; laughter is permanent. Also, your dignity is gone forever.
Meditate 5 min before flicks; pray the game doesn’t disconnect you and expose your terrible aim to everyone.