equip the ubisoft charm. let them know you're a D1 rider

run iron sights on every gun to increase schizophrenic episodes

always hipfire when friendlies spectate you. my teammates scream at me like the voices in my head tell me to put itching powder on baby changing stations

make sure to softly say slurs into your microphone. be cautious, if you say it too clearly the report system will detect it

flash bang friendlies because they need to be disabled like me

play with grenades. it's similar to closing your eyes while driving. they both can cause severe injury and i do them all the time

use explosives on friendlies. throw it 10-15 meters near their bodies. this will lower their health, but not kill them. it's similer to having an std. it causes health complications over time. I DO NOT PURPOSELY SPREAD MY STD's!

block all entry ways on bomb site using the operator castle. i support ICE and blocking entry is the first step to keeping them out (for anti-discrimination purposes i didn't say this) ᶦ ᵈᶦᵈ

use the shield operator montagne. take the defuser and stand in a snug corner in spawn. this will eliminate the option for friendlies to defuse the bomb

assuming you followed these steps correctly, you should have a red triangle to the right of your screen. this means your dilly dallying was successful

off topic but have you gotten your shingles shot? jewel osco keeps advertising me to get it. im not over 50 but i'm sure it will make the itchiness go away because im a crack addict.

Happy Holidays