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Welcome, mighty Space Marine! Or, you know, random player who just thought "Why not play the sequel to that game where I get to swing chainswords and shoot things?" Either way, you’ve found yourself playing Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2. Congratulations! You’re in for a delightfully subtle experience of war, destruction, and the deep, emotional journey of a man who can bench press a tank. Because that’s exactly what this game is: one massive feeling simulator with barely any violence or unnecessary bloodshed.

- If you’re here expecting emotional depth, prepare to be as disappointed as a Necron waking up to find out his alarm didn't go off for a couple of millennia.

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You’ll be thrilled to know that the narrative of Space Marine 2 is so deep, you'll need an oxygen tank to keep up with it. In short: you're a Space Marine. Things are bad. You're here to make them worse... for someone else, of course.

The Orks, Tyranids, or insert-random-xeno-here are just misunderstood creatures. They're probably not trying to kill you. Maybe they're just offering free hugs with chainsaw hands. But your job as a walking slab of muscle in power armor is to kindly reject their friendly overtures with bullets, chainswords, and the occasional missile. How thoughtful of you!

You might think there's some deeper lore going on. But let me save you some time: If it's moving and not wearing blue and gold armor, it dies. If it's stationary? Shoot it just in case.

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The first thing you need to realize as a Space Marine is that you are genetically superior. I mean, not you personally. You’re sitting behind a keyboard, probably with some potato chips and a two-liter soda. But your in-game avatar? Total perfection. He’s got the gene-seed of the Emperor running through his veins, making him part god, part tank, and part motivational poster.

Step 1: Point chainsword toward enemy.
Step 2: Swing chainsword.
Step 3: Victory.
Repeat until the enemy stops moving or becomes a red smear on the ground. That’s it. You’ve mastered melee combat. You’re welcome.

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In Space Marine 2, you'll be equipped with a variety of completely reasonable, non-excessive weapons. Like the Bolter, which is definitely not an over-the-top murder machine that shoots what amounts to rocket-propelled grenades the size of your head. Totally normal. Every game should start you off with one of these.

When words fail, and they absolutely will, the Bolter speaks for you. It says, “Hello, please stop resisting.” But by the time the message reaches its destination, it’s usually followed by an explosion and an uncomfortable silence. Diplomacy at its finest.

Have a problem that can't be solved with a gun? First of all, weird. But secondly, you have a chainsword for that! It’s like a regular sword, but with the addition of a motor and a complete disregard for subtlety. Perfect for when you need to "gently" persuade enemies to stop breathing.

For those times when you’re fighting a tank but feel like bringing a nuke to the party. It’s great for those moments when you want to show your enemy that you really, really don’t want to talk things out. A high-powered beam of energy that disintegrates whatever it touches. Subtle.

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It’s almost impossible, really. Failing as a Space Marine requires a unique combination of bad aim, ignoring the objective, and running face-first into a Tyranid’s mouth with open arms. But if you really want to try it, here are some surefire ways to lose your Emperor-given honor:

Tactical Genius: Stand still while getting shot. Who needs cover when you’ve got massive pauldrons?
Friendly Fire: Accidentally chainsword your squadmate. The Emperor will totally forgive you. Probably.
Heroic Death: Run into a swarm of Tyranids thinking you’re invincible. Spoiler: You’re not.

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Let’s be real here: Space Marine 2 achievements are designed for the most elite players. Only those with the god-like reflexes of a caffeine-fueled cheetah stand a chance at completing them all. But don’t worry – with enough effort (and a lot of respawning), you too can earn these prestigious awards.

Description: Kill 500 enemies with a chainsword.
Translation: Swing the sword at anything that moves until the game literally runs out of enemies to send your way. Extra points for standing in place while doing it.

Description: Kill 1,000 enemies with the Lascannon.
Translation: If something looks even remotely threatening, aim the Lascannon at it. Bonus points if you aim it at something not threatening at all.

Description: Destroy 50 tanks.
Translation: Tanks aren't scary. They're just big, loud boxes that make explosions when you look at them the wrong way. Teach them a lesson with your trusty Lascannon or Bolter.

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In the multiplayer mode, you can team up with other players who are definitely going to listen to your strategies and cooperate in every battle. In reality, expect everyone to run in different directions, throw grenades into their own team, and generally act like a squad of hyperactive children on a sugar high.

Here’s the only real advice you need for multiplayer:
Trust No One: If you see another player, just assume they're going to steal your kill or get you killed.
Shoot First, Ask Questions Later: Actually, don’t ask questions. Just keep shooting.

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And there you have it, a totally in-depth guide to mastering Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2. Just remember: you're a genetically-engineered demigod in power armor, wielding weapons that could level a small city. So naturally, you're also the most subtle, nuanced hero the galaxy has ever seen. Go forth, and bring the Emperor's light to all the dark corners of the universe. By which I mean, blow everything up until there’s nothing left but dust and regret.

Good luck, soldier. You’ll need it.