1-R. Kelly's Protege
Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it. (just this easy)

2-Duck Dynasty
Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.(u can find it in the trash can outside the RWS building)

3-Here, Wilfred
Gained your first dog helper.( treat ur dog with dogs' food by clicking X or G infront of them)

4-Chapelle's Show
Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.(piss on a donut and throw it to a police officer)

5-Taxidermy with Chuck Testa
Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun. (by clicking E)

6-Michonne ain't got nothin' on me
Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes. (slice a zombie in half and piss on his upper part till it flies and turns blue or purble )

7-Someone's got a case of the Mondays!
Survived Monday.

8-C U Next Tuesday
Survived Tuesday.

9-OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!
Survived Wednesday.

10-It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays
Survived Thursday.

11-Workin' for the Weekend
Survived Friday.

12-Screw Bill Lumbergh!
Survived Saturday.

13-I swear, I thought it was a home fill
Exploded a nuclear bomb. (when u finish postal 2 u will get it)

14-Cesar Millan is Very Happy
Mauled 30 people with your dog. (treat a dog and make him attack anyone by attacking him too)

15-OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale
Roasted 30 people with fire.

17-Rebecca Black's Nightmare
Totaled 30 cars. (just fire up some cars)

18-Hello, Newman
Kicked 30 dogs. (kick with Q)

19-Darth Maul'd!
Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe. (when u find the scythe, u won't leave...trust me)

20-Reddit would be proud.
Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time. (just pick up more than 15 at once)

21-♥♥♥♥♥ on a Pedestal
Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

22-I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace
Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit. (after u piss on ur dad's grave u will be in the gimp outfit)

23-Uncle T-Bag
Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell. (get jailed for like 5 to 6 times in a row)

24-Do you even Enzyte, bro?
Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

25-Running With Scissors
Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

26-Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!
Killed over 1,000 people.

27-And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree
Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

28-Lieberman is our Leader!
Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

29-Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.
Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

30-Can't Touch This
Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

31-Fear and Loathing
Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session. (search youtube for the hidden places of them to accelerate the progress)

32-Señor Cornballer
Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform. ( u get the outfit from the police station in a room called "locker room")

33-GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!
Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

34-Rick Grimes 4 Life
Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

35-Fur Sure!
Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them. (kill all RWS staff)

36-It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog
Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head. (whenever u cut someone's head and play with it let's say with a shovel for example, a dog is gonna catch it and play with u)

37-Where's Mr. McGibblets?
Gave Krotchy the bad touch. (kill him)

38-Finkle IS Einhorn!
Gave a kickoff to a severed head. (Q)

39-Anger Management With Roger Clemens
Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer. (kick anyone with Q and throw ur sledgehammer on him while he is running "u must kill him with that hit")

40-Shiva Blast
"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow. (just throw it in the cow's as$)

41-Don't taze me, bro!
Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

42-I Am Legend
Committed suicide... the Taliban way. ( u need a crowd of people to do it so for example on Monday go to the bank and go between that crowd and commit suicide with K)

43-I should buy a boat
Read the newspaper every day. (both postal 2 and paradise lost)

44-Friend of Dorothy
Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

45-Officer McLovin'
Asked a police officer to sign your petition. (petitions are only on Tuesday)

46-Paid the Piper
Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest. (it requires at least 200$ for it to work so whenever u r wanted go to a police officer and select money and click E)

47-Well, aren't YOU a badass
Kicked open a door.

48-I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you
Put out someone that's on fire. (simply pee on him after being on fire)

49-It's sterile and I like the taste
Sucked down your own piss. (pee towards the sky above ur head until the piss fall on u)

50-It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway
Killed someone who refused to sign your petition

51-FAB-U-LOUS!
Wore all three outfits. (explained above how to get them)

52-I don't need virgins for this
Suicide-bombed a Taliban member. ( on Tuesday the terrorist spawns somewhere between the pushes, go there and wait till he spawns and suicide to kill both of u)

53-A-Rod Who?
Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel. (right click would work better for u)

54-Door Mat
Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them. (that's very very very hard cuz u will kill them in most times but i suggest to begin with the hands and don't ask me y)

55-Chuck Norris'd!
Killed someone with a flying jump kick. (Q while jumbing till u kill him)

56-One time, at band camp...
Saved the marching band from explody death. (as the suicide above but this time kill him normally)

57-There's always money in the banana stand
Found the secret bank exit on Monday. (go to the bank and head right till u find the main safe and in the far right u will find a shelf of books....head to it and it will open to u)

58-SCREW that game!
Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it. (in the junkyard in "finding the alternate part" find a place where it has pool and search carefully in the bushes till u find POSTAL 3 game and pee on it)

59-Found 'em faster than GWB
Discovered the hidden Taliban base. (needs YouTube as it's so long to explain)

60-Gotta pay the Troll Toll
Found one of the hidden underground sewers. ( right behind ur home there is hidden path underground behind the bushes)

61-John Rambo'd!
Made a very long killing spree. (from 30 or 40 in a row i don't remember)

62-Gary vs. The K. Man
Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse. (needs YouTube as it's hard to explain)

63-You are not alone
Observed an NPC going POSTAL! (needs YouTube as it's hard to explain)

64-Thanks for the money!
Finished all seven days. (finish the game)

65-GABAGOOOOOL!
Reunited with an old friend. (reunite with vince in paradise lost)

66-Holocaust: Part Deux
Reunited with an old enemy. (reunite with mike j cow in paradise lost)

67-Rain on your Wedding Day
Reunited with an old flame. (meet ur hateful ex wife)

68-Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad
Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader. (paradise lost)

69-Better than POSTAL III
Rescued your loyal companion. ( in the last mission of paradise lost u will rescue ur dog)

70-Ape Gape
Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive (paradise lost)



this is made for u so that u don't need an external way to understand the achievement, thank u!!

71-D!ck Message
Wasted no time with the Wise Wang. (while talking with him interrupt him by kicking him in paradise lost)

72-PooMasher
Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it. (paradise lost)

73-Hobo Sexual
Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward. (paradise lost)

74-Ginger Mint
Killed Zack Ward. (paradise lost)

75-Ode to Eddings
Deactivated all of the Vend-A-Cure XJ-2 units. (it's pretty hard but u have to pee on every one of them till they r deactivated in paradise lost)

76-Ladies Love Cake
Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake. (paradise lost)

77-Rich on Reddit
Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors. (paradise lost)

78-BioShocked
Spent $2000 on vending machines.

79-Gettin DP'd
Made 30 kills while dual-wielding. (drink a soda can kill 30 in paradise lost)

80-You Snow Nothing John Blow
Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone. (in paradise lost and needs YouTube)

81-RAFIBOMB!!!
Kicked 10 people in the balls.

82-I'm not even supposed to be here today!
Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us! (i found it on my own by luck so u need YouTube and it's in the mall btw in postal 2)

83-Anustart!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

84-40 Year Old Virgin
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

85-CAN YOU DIG IT?!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

86-Planet of the Apes: The Musical
Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

87-Scientology Level: OT VIII
Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

88-My Name is Jesus
Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

89-Harder than r/gonewild
Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

90-Adderall4All
Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)



this is made for u so that u don't need an external way to understand the achievement, thank u!!

NOTE : restarting the mission or any checkpoint or any saved file won't lose ur progress in any of those achievements

The Dude Himself:
-The Postal Dude

The Dude's "Close" Ones:
-Champ
-Uncle Dave
-The Bitc#

Running With Scissors:
-Vince Desi (the head of RWS)
-Mike J.

Celebrity Guests:
-Gary Coleman
-Zack Ward
-Ron J
-Jennifer Walcott
-Randy Jones
-Civvie 11

Hate Groups:
-RWS Protesters
-Book Protesters
-Rednecks
-Butchers
-Carriers
-Terrorists

Other Weirdos:
-The Therapist
-The Marching Band
-Krotchy
-Osama Bin Laden
-Yeeland

Spoiler Characters (Unmarked Spoilers):
-The Other Dude

MONDAY:
1)Get milk
2)Pick up paycheck
3)Cash paycheck

TUESDAY:
1)Get signatures
2)Return book
3Get Gary¿s autograph
4)Confess sins

WEDNESDAY:
1)Vote
2)Piss on dad
3)Get laundry(Can only get laundry after dad mission)
4)Get x-mas tree

THURSDAY
1)Get Krotchy
2)Get napalm
3)Pay ticket
4)Get steaks

FRIDAY/Judgement day
1)Uncle Dave's birthday
2)Go too clinic(When you piss the first time,this friday)
3)Get alternator
4)Pick up package

apocalypse weekend

i'm just gonna add this cuz i found it really cool tbh and rest u will find them on youtube xD