Since I wrote my last guide, a few people expressed interest in a section on Witches.
My last guide was more about etiquette and not so much about gameplay, so I felt it would be better suited if I wrote a seperate guide on the topic. I'm sure there's many, many guides on the subject of Witches and the dispatching thereof, so I'm going to seperate this from the flock by making it as quick as possible while still covering the salient points, so let's get stuck into the nasty business of...

If you're new to the game, Witches can be very unsettling. Whenever I see new players encountering Witches it usually looks a little like this...



Most players quickly learn to simply avoid Witches. This is the simplest method of dealing with them for beginners.

AVOIDING

- Keep your distance

- Don't shine your flashlight on the Witch, even if you think you're out of her aggravation range

Easy, no?

Sometimes sneaking around the Witch is not an option. This usually happens when she spawns somewhere too enclosed to move around in and blocks progress. In this situation, you need to learn how to 'crown' a Witch.

Crowning involves moving as close as you can to a Witch and shooting her with a shotgun. Any kind of shotgun will do, but if you're inexperienced at crowning an automatic shotgun is probably your best bet. Your aim must be very precise, as even a slight deviation from a direct hit won't kill her. I typically aim for the chest or back as it offers a larger target area, but you can also aim for her head. Extremely skilled players can aim anywhere on her body as long as the target is large enough to absorb the entire impact of the shot.

Observe the video...



Crowning is much easier to perform on Wandering Witches, as they already have their back and chest exposed. Expert players can even take them out with melee weapons. It takes 4 hits to kill a Wandering Witch with a melee on Normal difficulty.




Baby steps, people.

Note that you can't kill sitting Witches with melee weapons, because they will be up and ready to dice you as soon as your melee makes contact.

The important points to remember on crowning Witches are these:

CROWNING

- Get as close as possible. Wandering Witches will become startled if you touch them, so don't get too cosy.

- Take as much time as you can to line up your aim. Crowning works because shotgun damage gets a bonus if every piece of shot lands on a single target. If even one piece misses then you don't get the damage bonus and it becomes insufficient to kill the Witch.

- Any shotgun is capable of crowning a Witch in one hit, but if you're practising your crowning then an auto shotgun will help you rectify any misfires.

- As with any skill, the only real way to improve is with practice.

"BUT DECI," I hear you cry, "WHAT IF NO ONE HAS A SHOTGUN ON THEIR PERSON OR THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO USE IT??!!?!??!!!3"

Fear not citizen, for there are a few more ways to take out Witches. For instance, using a scoped rifle! If you shoot a sitting Witch in the head with a scoped rifle, she will be stumbled for a moment, giving you time to shoot the everloving ♥♥♥♥ out of her, as demonstrated in this video...



Things can go awfully, terribly wrong while using scoped rifles on Witches, so it's handy to have a melee weapon to smack her upside the head with when your magazine runs dry. This scoping technique is not recommended for enclosed areas. Even if you manage to stumble her, it won't be for long enough to take her down.

SCOPING

- Don't miss. If you don't hit her head with that very first shot, she won't be stumbled and will simply make a beeline for you. Not fun.

- The Hunting Rifle and the Military Sniper do the same amount of damage, so those extra 15 rounds per magazine provided by the Military model will help greatly to make sure you don't get caught with a live Witch and no ammo.

- Doesn't work on Wandering Witches (unless you have Explosive Rounds).

Lastly but not leastly, there's the bottom of the barrel method. This should only be used when there is a Witch blocking your path and all other methods are unfeasible...

Light her up and run like hell.



While on fire the Witch will run a little slower than usual. This should only be attempted when you have a completely clear path by which to escape. Lighting a Witch on fire during a horde, for example, is probably not the best time to do so.

COMBUSTION

- Can be done with Molotovs, gas cans or Incendiary rounds.

- If you can't find a place to get out of range from her, just keep running until she's dead.

That's really all there is to it.

I realise now that a lot of people are going to ♥♥♥♥♥ at me for not including the propane bottle/infinite shoving method, but I don't really care. It's too touchy trying to make sure you're far enough away from the bottle not to get stumbled but close enough to make sure you can shove her before she's startled. If you're planning on indulging in that kind of roullette spin, you might as well just shoot her and take your chances anyway. Plus, introducing new players to explosives and Witches at the same time is not something I want to be held responsible for.

If you want the perfect way to practice your crowning, check out this map on the workshop.

If you haven't already, check my other guide on how to play Left 4 Dead 2 like a supercharged nuclear zombie killing sex machine. These are the tips that pros use to be awesome players:

http://steamproxy.net/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=320228671
Sorry, but I don't accept random friend requests. Nothing personal, but my friends list is reserved for just that: friends.

Until next time kids, remember: teamstomping is for losers.