Team Fortress 2

Team Fortress 2

27 ratings
How to be paranoid
By Poopet
The guide for the hopelessly under-prepared and always caught-off-caught player, and how to stop being that
   
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The basics
Spies been enjoying your rear? soldiers from around the corner killing both of you? an entire team suddenly jumping you? Fear not, if you have all these problems and more this guide can help!

First, we need to set some ground rules.
1: You need a relatively quiet room
2: You need a pair of headphones that have surround audio
3: You need to have the volume turned up a reasonable amount

Now join your match of 2fort, help your local engineer defend the courtyard, and stop.
Listen.
You hear that?
It's a decloak.
It's a revved up minigun.
You've heard these before, no doubt, but listen closer.

Those are footsteps.
Drown out the other noise, focus on those footsteps.
Now, you probably can't tell where they are, but listen closer
Every surface has it's own sound to go along with it, walking on metal sounds different than dirt, walking through water sounds different from wood, now those are some loud swooshing sounds underneath you, aren't they? A heavy says thanks too, but you're the only heavy on your team, there's a storm-a-brewing in those waters
Touching grass
Alright, let's say you're not on 2fort, you're on dustbowl-last playing as an blu scout, you get killed quickly by a trollder, a sniper, a dragon's fury, a sentry, a demoman, a soldier, and a plhog pyro

What could you have done to survive all that?
Well i mean be a better player lol but that's why i made this guide

The trollder needs to be rocket jumping to market garden you, that generates a distinctive falling sound like wind breezing, the best course of action is to simply walk towards the soldier
(him in the air), and then walk past him, he can't really strafe backwards!

The sniper is a class that takes a lot of skill to play, you need to put yourself in a very high risk situation and be careful not t-
Yeah sniper is broken and you wanna avoid him, i know
So. Instant death across all ranges. What do?
As someone who played against bots and even spawncamped them, i'll tell you what

Scout: Just because you're fast, don't mean you're immune, a body shot can still kill you in an instant , try to run around as much as you can while on the move, spam erratic movements and take note of anywhere the coward could be hiding, and don't get too close

Pyro: Dragons fury. Scorch shot. Don't care if it's too easy, the enemy is playing sniper.

Projectiles: Most projectiles don't come from the crosshair, they actually come from the right side, this means you can spam down a chokepoint whilst not being able to get hit or headshot, use that to your advantage

Engineer: There's a certain gap where the enemy team can't shoot you through dipensers, and your team can use your dispenser as armour, as they can walk right through it, crouch, and bam extra 200 health. Do be aware that dispensers and sentries only have 150 health at level 1, meaning they can easily be shot down by a sniper, anything above that though and they won't be able to destroy it as long as you keep repairing. All of your buildings make noise however, this will impact your ability to hear voice commands and footsteps. You can extend your sentry's range with the wrangler.

Demoman: Arched projectiles, if there's no celing, there's a place to fire stickies

Heavy: Get a medic, or flank, because that giant minigun is going to appear long before your head does, and it's a very clear indicator of your location, know how big you are.

And of course, general rules, taunt around corners to gain temporary access to third person, avoid "the sightlines" *( the entire damn map ), and learn the behaviors of a sniper, they're very predictable.

Whew, big segment about the class of whoms origin of birth i want to nuke, back to the other, more reasonable deaths

Phlog pyro is the easiest to handle, they can't airblast, and they're also blind from their own flames even more than usual, when they have their meter ready, their weapon has a certain "glow" to it, when they activate it, they turn a blinding uber colour and scream, when a phlog pyro lands on top of you, or your teammates, don't walk away or push them off, this is known as a "Phlog cancel"
This tech involves standing on top of a moving target, and then prematurely ending the taunt, thus resulting in an ubered pyro, immune to airblast, with crits. Yikes.

Sentries make a very loud beep every time they turn, although they have aimbot, they don't have perfect aim, or tracking.
If you somehow get on top of a sentry, you can go around in a circle by rapidly pressing wasd in a continuous cycle, although hard to pull off, this results in the sentry not being able to shoot you, constantly focusing on where you were instead of where you're headed.
And around corners too, if you can find the perfect spot, you can shoot an exposed part of the sentry and damage it, this only rarely happens though, the team is usually there to defend it.

The dragon's fury: Pyro's only skilled primary is a FORCE to be reckoned with, one of the most powerful weapons in the game in the right hands, it deals upwards of 80 damage straight to buildings in one shot alone, even more to burning players, it can pierce through multiple enemies at a time, it's range is much longer than any other flamethrower, and with the panic attack he can even out-damage a heavy in a 1v1 scenario, the only weakness is the delay after an airblast, at which the pyro can't use his weapon for 1.5 seconds.
My advice? KILL IT. And like with all weapons, move fast, not too fast though, just slightly to the side is good enough, any more might leave you at a disadvantage. Huddling too close as group should be taken as general, but even more so with this weapon.

Demoman: Alright, sniper on the left, demo spamming stickies on the right, what do?
Stickies need time to prepare to be detonated, if you're a heavy, you can shoot the stickies right as they fly to your area, letting one fall in is okay, don't let it distract you and keep firing at the flying stickies. Watch out for their glow in traps, they are silent and well placed stickies can be impossible to spot, avoid areas that are too tight. Not much can be done about the 300 crit you just had tho sos

Soldier: You know the one. Tryhard or barely installed, the skill floor is so low that the only difference between the two is that the tryhard can do niche things like air shots and rocket jumping, pay no mind to the unspoken saltiness, he's beneath your line of anger.
A soldier will aim at your feet and where they think you're going to go, no joke if you stand still their brain will fart and by the time they're fired you have the advantage.










10 Comments
im already this
shmanny 24 Apr @ 8:34am 
the narwhal does bacon at midnight!!!!
Ash Ketchum 22 Apr @ 4:13pm 
Instruction unclear, diagnosed with schizophrenia and serving 10 years in prison
chinski misiek 21 Apr @ 2:01pm 
yea 300 damage pipe across map is the same as sniper, even so u can spot the dot on sightline from sniper, but as u said well placed stickies everytime i spot them, its with my gibs all around the room. take my award please!
@MrKingJupiter@ 21 Apr @ 12:40am 
instructions unclear, my desktop engineer exploded.
Marshal Coatundsnood 20 Apr @ 10:55am 
thx
76561199380564530 20 Apr @ 12:42am 
Instruction unclear, I appear to be on fire.
dawg sneup 19 Apr @ 12:43pm 
instructions unclear, i ended up making way too much bread and it made my house explode -pipis :tattletailyellow:
relichuntersusa 19 Apr @ 9:50am 
same
Wide Ryo 15 Apr @ 11:38am 
Instruction unclear, I ended up in some kind of alternate universe