If you felt like those last few tests were a bit safer than usual, then it's possible you might've slipped backwards in time a bit, to before we added any of the real science-y stuff. If that's the case, please go back and redo the finished versions of those tests.

While they were waiting, I told the lab boys to test how much they can hollow the insides of these support beams holding the whole place up. Everything seems pretty steady, but just try not to jump.

I can not stress enough how important it is that you do not think "Manchester" at any point in this test. Don't ask me why, I couldn't tell you. But the lab boys tell me it could be the end of everyone here. So don't let that word cross your mind for even a second or we'll all be dead men. Remember: no "Manchester."

For this test, you might want to hold on to the handrails. We've redirected gravity to the side -yes, you're walking on the wall- but there's no telling if it'll hold.

When we were starting this whole place up, the lab boys had a few ideas for our energy source. That's when I had a thought. Why does there have to be a source? Who says we can't just make the stuff? Not Aperture, that's for sure. This is all just to say, if you see a glowing yellow box, don't touch it, and tell part of our staff. We don't know where it went.

If your fingers are feeling a bit weird, that's good. Next time you get the chance, go ahead and jump off the highest peak you can find. If everything went well, your skin should be replaced with rubber, and you'll just bounce back up.

Now I'll be honest. You guys may have survived war and space, but you are not doing well against science. But I've got an idea. We're going to merge two of you into one super test subject, and hopefully he'll be strong enough.

Okay, this one is urgent. The lab boys slipped up a little and we are about to be teleported into space. Yes, the entire facility. About to leave the atmosphere. Now, we don't have enough space suits for everyone here, so if you don't have one, try to find some duck tape or something. Get creative.

If anyone is missing an arm, we've got one here waiting for you. It just sort of appeared. It's moving a bit on it's own though, so maybe peak inside it real quick before we sow it back on. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Now it's possible that you enter this next test, and two of you come out. We didn't really mean to do that, but if it happens, that's okay. It just means we can do more science.

If you feel like this test chamber is whispering to you, ignore it. We don't know why it does that, but it's not part of the test.

After that last test you might be feeling a little weaker than usual, especially if you're one of our Olympians. Don't worry, we're just borrowing a bit of everyone's muscle mass and we're gonna give it all to one guy. Let's see how high he can jump.

(mid test) We're having a bit of trouble with our speaker system. In case you missed it, you should not be looking at any item in this test. Don't even open your eyes. If you already did, notify one of our scientists and we'll do what we can. Best case scenario: you get to wear a couple eye-patches free of charge for the rest of your life. It'll be like you're a pirate. Or, two pirates.

(This one is in the 70s) It's been a bit since we started this company up, so I figure we give a little history lesson. I first made a fortune in the shower curtain industry, -Caroline, do these men know what showers are? Caroline?- Oh nevermind. Get off the bench. Back to testing.

(This one is in the eighties) I just received a package from one of you. A box full of lemons. I don't know who you are or who you think that might be but listen to me when I tell you that I AM THE BOSS HERE, AND I AM GOING TO FIND YOU. AND WHEN I DO, YOU ARE FIRED. And I mean that in more ways than one! I'm gonna cover you in this new combustion gel -oh, what the hell, it's GASOLINE- that's right, I am going to COVER YOU IN GASOLINE, and SET YOU ON FIRE. GET BACK TO WORK.

(later) The guys in the legal department say I'm not allowed to just set you on fire. Fine then. But I think you'll be perfect for testing out these new robots we've made. We call them "sentry turrets."

(I don't have enough good ideas for a part 3 and I don't want to waste your time so when I come up with anything good I'll put it here. If you want you can favorite the guide and check in a few months maybe to see what I added)

If I told you earlier that the food in the cafeteria was free, that was NOT me. It was an impostor, a clone we made so I could be twice the boss as before. But some of Phil's commy-crap DNA must've gotten in there and made this guy think we're running a charity. Phil, you're fired. And you, me, get back in the machine so we can try again.

(this one was originally a comment to someone folding a rubber wristband so it said "Are lies" instead of "Aperture laboratories") Now I've heard a lot of gossip about us at Aperture telling lies. I assure you, I cannot tell a lie. I'll spare you the story about how I once cut down a cherry tree, but trust me, it's inspiring and it did happen to me. So, remember: Everyone dissapearing is just going to a farm planet far away where they can be happy with all the other test subjects.