Are you some sad goober who's been trying to climb your way out of dan 1-3? This guide is for you then, I'm gonna give you the premiere tips and tricks to actually winning. Beware that this guide contains tips regarding the dreaded "looking at your character's move list." Other than that this guide is your ticket to the win baby.

I know guys, I know. For this step you have to read and half absorb the content for like 10 whole minutes, you could spend that time whackin' it to joe bartolozzi but instead you're trying to play tekken. This is vital to actually doing the rest of the steps to winning, no matter how intolerable it is not to spin 3 fidget spinners on top of nuclear launch keys while whackin' it to joe bartolozzi, you gotta read.

Ok so this is the main step where you need the power of knowing your command list. Learn all of your character's most obnoxious mids, lows, and grabs and use them like a roulette. Your ideal move should be self contained combos like kazuya and heihachi's 1-2-2, but with a twist. What you're lookin' for is a move that has the same beginning but you can change the ending so it hits them when they block the other one, ideally 3 ways but that's rare. Other than that, make sure you learn some command throws so your opponent is bamboozled and can't tech it every ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ time you just want to 1-3 grab them. Cycle between mids, lows, and grabs like your life depends on it, but that'll only get you so far without the next step.

So while applying the previous steps, you want to constantly be in their face, you want to be kissing them with no socks on, you want to be asking for a slice, you want to be sharing a onesie, you want to be in no clip, you want to be holding both their hands as you slam them into the ground and make them taste dermatologist unapproved feet. Basically, the idea is that you have to make them guess your glorified rock paper scissors game all the time and give them zero time to think. Since you're reading this guide, you probably don't have anything to back these mind games up with, but you have to make them think you do. Make that ♥♥♥♥♥ respect you as depicted here:

Now that you have this pivotal advice, you can stop being the first daniel, hell you may even become the third daniel. It should be said that this will only last you so long and you should never rematch anybody lest you want your nuts stolen in a brief case. Follow these steps and you can stop being this and become a halfway respectable tekken player.