ELDEN RING

ELDEN RING

32 ratings
The Absolute Elden Ring Guide
By Hama Droyd
This guide will make you a literal GOD in Elden Ring.
   
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Step One | Git Gud
Git Gud is just a slight insult for many different aspects of Soulsborne games.
  • Boss is too hard? GIT GUD
  • Someone cheesed you in PvP? GIT GUD
  • Chuggers are a cancer in this game? GIT GUD
Step Two | Commit Genocide
Probably most fun thing to do in this game!
Both the club and curved sword-wielding variants of the Albinauric mob have made it into the top five "Most Felled Enemies" list, with the former taking the #1 spot at 9.4 billion slain and the latter coming in at #4 with 3.4 billion. In total, the community has killed 12.8 billion Albinaurics!

Why not increase the number of your runes and the death counter, Tarnished?
Step Three | The Elden Bling
Yeah, about that..
Your armor isnt gonna help you too much in Soulsborne games. You have to get more drippy. More drippy you get, more motivated (minor vergil referance) you become.

Legends say few drippy knights were too drippy that they were able to one-shot bosses with inch of their drip...
Step Four | Mental Preparation
The most believable thing in this game is final boss casually changing genders, so. Prepare yourself.
Step Five | Wide Arsenal of Waifus
Theres a wide arsenal of waifus in Elden Ring.
A blue doll, rotting lady, rotting ladys daughter, snake girl, traumatized girl, necrophiliac lady in black robe, leveling up lady, Smithing Master Hewg, a literal Queen of an academy, sorcerer lady whos banished from academy, blind girl, possesed blind girl, manor owner lady, crippled albinauric lady, War Counselor Iji, crucified "god" queen, warrior girl, Miriel, Pastor of Vows.

You are free to choose any one of these waifus. I can't guarantee if the relationships going to end tragic or not!
Step Six | PvP Etiquette
As far as I'm concerned here are the major unwritten rules
  • Always bow/greet
  • Allow opponent to buff
  • No T-bagging
  • No exploits
  • Always thank your opponent afterwards/bow
  • Do not ever trust your opponent to follow rules 1-5.
5 Comments
ReelPotatoe 10 Oct, 2023 @ 10:33pm 
instructions unclear, uninstalled the game after killing malenia 4,000 times for rando idiots
󠀡󠀡 9 Oct, 2023 @ 5:31am 
True PVP etiquette is as follows:
1: Rush your opponent straight out of the gate
2: Murder them
3: Point down
4: Recieve death threats from salty losers
ThatRandomDevNon 9 Oct, 2023 @ 4:09am 
accurate
nah i'd win 6 Oct, 2023 @ 12:58pm 
yes
Tomboy Taliban 5 Oct, 2023 @ 6:45pm 
Step six is accurate.