Have you ever played an official D&D 5e campaign? Good chances it was on this oddly similar planet called Toril.



The Americas are smaller, Europe, now called Faerun, is bigger, Australia hasn't changed, but Asia and Africa are now mysteriously missing from the map. What could have Ed Greenwood, author of this world, meant with this?

Regardless, welcome to the Forgotten Realms, where athiests are the flat earthers of Toril, because of multiple events, and because of the Godfall of 1358.

Let's bring up the Dead Three now.


See these spooky bois? On the far left we got the big man Jergal, the original God of Death, who happened to also encompass Tyranny and Ambition.
This dude was approached by three mortal men, Bane, Bhaal and Steve Myrkul, who were those guys who played Chaotic Neutral Murderhobos at the table, and managed to hit max level.They decided they wanted to fight Jergal for his divinity as a team, and then kill each other until one became a god.

Jergal instead got bored and said "Nah, take these Divine Portfolios, I already have the one I want"
Which Portfolio was this?

Documenting who dies. He's the accountant for dead people, his wiki even says he "cares for little besides an orderly accounting of the world's fate toward death".

Regardless, rather than talking it out like a party of adventurers would, they decide to gamble, like a party of adventurers would, the night's biggest loser getting the scraps. Bane won first and chose to be the God of Tyranny, Myrkul won next, and chose to be God of Bones and the Undead, while Bhaal, the mad lad he is, was happy with Murder and Blood being his domain, because he was following a Rogue build that only got better because of it.
Jergal then just kept itemizing the dead guys while Bane and Myrkul decided to do a little trolling a couple thousand years later.

You know how we have god? Gods have one called Ao, and he's really fond of this tablet that reminds him about stuff he should remember, like what each god does. Bane and Myrkul decided to steal it by 1358, and this made Grandpa Ao really angry.

This started the Time of Troubles, where Ao forced every god to become a mortal again except for Helm, the god of guard duty. He was given the Hall Monitor badge and told to keep the other gods outside of the divine realm while they were meant to go find his iPad.

Due to this though, it became a crisis. Gods would leave prayers on read unless they were a mile away from you, and magic was messed up to the point Wizards felt like Warlocks: useless.

You see, magic is a Divine Portfolio too, controlled by Mystra, the lady who created the Weave. You know the Force? Wizards are literally just Fantasy Jedi in this setting, they manipulate an omnipresent essence that is connected to most everything.
Apparently, Divine Magic is also pulled from the Weave, because now that Mystra is busy being a mortal, no god is there to actually watch the Weave, and now, it's getting funky.
You cast Polymorph on your rogue friend to let them slip into the enemy base? Well, you actually casted Power Word: Kill, and he only has 50 HP.

Anyway, remember Bhaal? Despite his VRChat avatar looking like this, he still somehow managed to Rizz up and get Bhaalsdeep into hundreds of mothers as a Death Insurance Policy. What a lucky decision on his part too, because a silly little guy decided he would help Bhaal cash out, and 360 no-scoped him.

Bhaal planned on making the Bhaalspawn, little half-gods who would have his divine baby gravy, so that they felt intense urges to kill. Through the mass murder of people, and eventually the Bhaalspawn, it would fuel the power of Murder, and his smegma fragments would eventually all return to make him come back to life again. And the mad lad did it, he actually came back.

Before he did though, Bioware had to make money.

Now we can finally speed run the game summaries.

In Baldur's Gate 1, you play Abdel Adrian, an orphaned bhaalspawn raised by Gorion, a former NSA Agent who is now raising his bastard son. Your mother was his lover, and his lover sent him to the cuck throne in the hotel room corner. As the cuck he is, Gorion brought you to Castle Nerdskull, but dies to your Half-Brother, Sarevok Anchev.

Mister Anchev lived at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane Albuquerque New Mexico, and has decided he wanted to get into the crime business, and with his adoptive dad, formed the Iron Throne, a Machiavellian organization dedicated to faking an Iron Shortage to build tensions between the City State of Baldur's Gate, and a country of slavers in the south called Amn.

Their nefarious scheme was to tamper with Iron Mines to either poison the veins, and hoard the good iron, so they could pop up and claim to save the day by sharing an iron reserve, with Sarevok being elected a Grand Duke of Baldur's Gate for saving it from the South's Rights to force permanent internship.
Luckily for us, Abdel manages to do some trolling, and leaked the discord messages between the server admins, as well as share Sarevok's diary in front of the Grand Dukes. After he kills Sarevok, we find ourselves in Baldur's Gate 2.







You just play Abdel again, but now you're in Amn, you get a neat little Xenomorph power, and you kill an angry wizard.

Oh yeah, and some characters from those two games pop up again.