In this beautifully simple guide, I'll be providing you with a set of metas and unbalanced methods that you can use to find the woman of your dreams. I decided to put my heart and soul into this fine authorship, to make sure that YOU finish 2023 with a woman, and a bank balance above $12.

A common misconception that many Apex Legends™ players have, is that women don't exist, or that they only exist in Discord Servers. This is actually not the case! Women actually make up 49.58% of the global population!

"But bro, how do I find a woman???"

Well, good question, here's a few key dos and donts when it comes to spotting a female:

You can tell that a person is a woman thanks to a recent update which added "boobs" to the majority of skins. This update is still rolling out & sadly not all women have received the patch yet, but give them time. You can also ASK them if they've ever heard of Apex. If they have NOT, that exponentially increases the chance that they are a woman!

DONT find women on discord. Over 99.4% of females on discord are actually either 55yr old men, or are being paid by the rothschilds into grooming you.

If you need further help spotting a woman, see fig1 for reference.

Figure 1

Once you've found a woman, approach her and use some of your equipped voice lines or kill quips to communicate with her. Remember, she does NOT need to know that you're schizophrenic or about what you have in your basement.



Start by complimenting her and remember, don't talk about your heirlooms/how badly you want an heirloom. She will initiate her fight or flight reaction and run away.

The current meta is to communicate with the "woman" for approximately 233 seconds before asking her out on a date*.

If she says no, you can run and exit her vincinity.

If she says yes, keep reading.


*date noun [C] (MEETING)
a person you have a romantic meeting with:
eg Who's your date for the prom?

Depending on your available funding, you should now invite the woman you have successfully "rizzed" to a restaurant, movie theatre or park of your choice. Remember, these are IRL locations and CANNOT be found on the map.

Once at the date, proceed to speak with the woman and remember above all else, she cannot know that you play Apex.

Once you have finished the date, pay for BOTH of your meal/tickets, and offer to take her home.

If she declines, I don't advise following her from an unseen distance so you can find the location of her house, since that might hinder your chances at a second date.

Repeat this step up to 4 more times with the same woman, so you can farm her XP and increase your rizz level to 110.

On your 4th and final date, if all goes well, ask her the following question:

"Will you go out with me?"

There are three possible answers to this question and I'll guide you though each of the possible outcomes.

Outcome one: She says Yes
In this case, congratulations, you have made it. Remember to use the code: CRACKHEAD at checkout when redeeming your girlfriend coupon for 33% off your next purchase. As a precaution, uninstall League of Legends, even if you never had it installed in the first place. You should also delete steam and turn off any RGB that you have enabled on your PC setup.



Outcome two: She says No
In this situation, you'll find that this woman has wasted your time in exchange for free food and drink. If this is the case, you can build a base arround her to prevent her from doing this to anyone else. Don't fear, you can try again!

Outcome three: She says Yes, but she works for Respawn Entertainment
If this is that case, then sadly you have lost the game. Your actions in life have led you down a path of woe and suffering beyond mortal comprehension. There is no place safe for you now. Run. Hide. Survive. Watch as conquest, war, hunger, and death wreak havoc upon the world you once knew. God is dead. Hope has faded. Give in. Let your mortal coil seek freedom from your fleshy form.

Thanks for reading guys, hopefully this helped! if you need any more advice go ask someone else.