Cuphead

Cuphead

93 ratings
Totally accurate guidance on how to simp your one and only precious Waifu with academic correctness
By FOTCH
Jokes aside, please. This is a very serious and important guide for everyone who has ever wondered how to properly treat their sweet little Waifu in order to be eternally happy with her unprecedented shape and blessed spiritual essence at once.
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1. Oblivion
Forget everything you were taught in school. Because the school curriculum has nothing to do with real life. And it won't ever have, by the way. Your children will also be told about sinuses, morphemes and vacuoles, but they, just like you now, will have to deal with more difficult tasks one-by-one. The lack of practically applicable knowledge is the main problem of most of the modern education systems. We are not taught to live independently. But it can be handled, and I will personally help you with that. This one video below, for example, is just an ignorant abomination, that would lead you to a dead end. You just can't treat your Waifu like that. But let's not hold up here for too long.
https://youtu.be/DcrrUuRoWT4
2. Rejection
It may not seem too obvious, but you will also have to reject your current waifu for good. Do not forget that we are starting here from scratch, and the ghosts of the past will only torment our thoughts and won't bring us anything worthy.

Once you've found your true Waifu, toxic relationships you built before (with someone else) won't ever be fun. It would seem that if you constantly agree with your partner, you should have fun, because the partner is happy. But if you step on your throat for a long time, dissatisfaction with yourself and the person for whom you are doing this will grow. The result is aggressive behavior towards a loved one, due to the fact that you agree against your will. The way out is Rejection.
3. Creation of an appropriate set-up

In order not to forget your brand new Waifu, you should get a certain tiny symbols that could remind you of her during difficult times of your life. In our age, an age of computer technologies and ubiquitous digitalization, an excellent solution would be an updated wallpapers on your personal mobile phone screen. Also don't forget to update your lock screen in case if you're using passwords or biometrical protection on your device.

The next two steps are optional:
- Set your one and only true waifu on the desktop screen
- Set your one and only true waifu on the browser idle page
What is love?
Love has a very strange trait: it is difficult to express it with generic words. What a bestowed relief that there are people who were able to express all the magic of love in a few words — simple and perfect ones.

  • Sophocles, for example, claimed that "Love is the word that frees us of all the weight and pain in life.".

Quite a daring take, if you ask me. I'd rephrase it in a bit more specific way. Love is...
is Reminisce
For starters you're obviously have to set your one and only true Waifu as a favorite friend in Steam. Don't forget about regular text messages on daily basis.
Probably, everyone has a habit of expressing love to their friends through messages in social networks or messengers. The problem is that mostly people doing it only on special occasions - birthdays and some other significant moments. I'm gonna help to open the eyes for such people right now: you can express your feelings at any time. Don't wait for another stinking holiday to come. Because ESPECIALLY such random messages, filled with pure and innocent love, could actually cause those cherished "elusive tears of happiness" that would roll down the cheeks of your sweetheartie.

How do I start?

Start with some cutie love messages in the profile commentary section and activity feed! Messages over there could easily bring really strong and comforting romantic and(or) pleasant feelings to your Waifu. Also this is probably one of the easiest ways to express your infatuation. You can paste your lovely statement as a comment below automatically generated posts about purchasing of a new game;
or under her newly uploaded screenshot.
In fact, there are many good places where you could effortlessly stick up your message. Just make sure that this place will be noticed in no time by your Waifu.

  • "I will blaze you with a longing kiss, an unspeakable one kiss of a dream. And your bliss will be so sweetly unhurried between night and day at the cherished line, so that any time you blink, you shall calmly whisper in agonizing delight: "Again! Ah again! It's you!".
    © Fotcheslav Vengrdjanovski

The main thing is not to overdo your stalkering. In the absence of properly mastered skills, your love messages could slip into an annoying banality with ease.
is Acception and Concession
Find out and accept all the things your Waifu likes. Also don't forget to show interest and recognition of her hobbies. And don't you dare treat them as something stupid or unimportant. Download all of her favorite cooperative games - that would be a fascinating way to express love in your case. Because one of the most common causes of squabbles and conflicts is the following: "He has never shown interest in what I do and what I like!". Remember that sincere feelings are priceless. Therefore, show them as often as possible, even if sometimes you are a bit disappointed in your Waifu. Even when some of her favorite games tastes like "Aw...".

  • "If I know what love is, it's because of you.".
    © Hermann Hesse
is Gifting yourself
The ways to express love could be completely different, and it is not that necessary for it to be very expensive. The point is to show your attention and care as often as possible. Therefore, express your love with some nice little gifts. It can even be something insignificant, like a cheap role play game you loved back in your childhood, or a bit more romantic - like some chapter of Leisure Suit Larry franchise. You will be amazed, how many gift options you have, even for a few dollars.

  • "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.".
    © Lao Tzu
is Splashing some spicy

Change the routine furnishing. Run away with your Waifu from the everyday noise and just stay alone with her. Today there are a large variety of available weekend tours — for example, to Europe, to Albania, to North Korea or Mexico. Believe me, these two days that you'll spend together would seem like a pleasant eternity to you. 
In the absence of required holdings you could at least lock yourself with her in the same limited discord channel just for two of you.
Change the routine furnishing. Run away with your Waifu from the everyday noise and just stay alone with her. Today there are a large variety of available weekend tours — for example, to Europe, to Albania, to North Korea or Mexico. Believe me, these two days that you'll spend together would seem like a pleasant eternity to you.
In the absence of required holdings you could at least lock yourself with her in the same limited discord channel just for two of you.
is the Answer
Don't make your Waifu wait for too long while chatting with you. Recommended answering time is up to 10 minutes.

To be continued...
Thanks for spending some time with me! Love!
39 Comments
immortal1ne 26 May @ 1:36am 
isnt chalice a minor though?? why the fuck are you simping for a minor.
Guppy 13 May @ 3:42pm 
this cannot be real
GWS_Dallas 12 May @ 2:37pm 
please seek immediate help
Moonlight 11 May @ 7:11pm 
Real
M4NN0FSTEEL 11 May @ 7:11pm 
Thar She Blows 10 May @ 2:19am 
This post is a strong argument for bullying.
The Fallen Chimera 8 Aug, 2024 @ 8:08pm 
V's gonna be so happy I followed all these things
RomanR15 26 Jul, 2024 @ 3:16pm 
lol
SpookyBoiGaming 25 Jul, 2024 @ 4:55pm 
This is...certainly something...
MrFuss 23 Jul, 2024 @ 5:29pm 
what is this