Mann Up Optimization Theory holds that there exists one and only one correct way to play Mann Up, and that it is inevitable that any player of sufficient cognitive ability and experience will eventually adopt this objectively optimal set of ideas and behaviors, hereafter known as the Master Playstyle. Also, the theory holds that Mann Up players undergo a linear process of evolution, and that how far a player progresses on this line is directly determined by its cranial capacity. This guide aims to encourage solidarity among the superior of the two breeds of Mann Up players, and by spreading knowledge of the Master Playstyle, to hasten the inevitable triumph of the Noble Apollonian Master Players over the low-tour, low-IQ masses.

The Theory does not require perfection of players, but rather that they recognize perfection exists, strive toward perfection and encourage others to do so, and recognize their own position in the MvM hierarchy and behave accordingly.

An attitude typical of a highly-evolved Master Player:

1. Loot is the only reason to play Mann Up.

2. All your actions and choices in Mann Up must accelerate the Loot Earning Process.

3. There is one empirically-proven ideal way to play each class, wave, and mission, which must be strictly adhered to.

4. The idea of "fun" is in direct contradiction to the principals of the Master Pllaystyle and therefore has no place in Mann Up.

5. These Truths are self-evident to any rational and experienced Mann Up player.

6. Anyone who disagrees with these Truths is an enemy to the Master Playstyle and must be expelled from Mann Up with such extreme toxicity that they never return.

Many will tell you that a scout is an essential part of any MvM team, but this is false. Scout has no function that is not performed better by another class or rendered obsolete by skill:

• Scout's single-target damage is greatly outclassed by spy, and his crowd control ability is nothing compared to that of the demoman, and he is a weaker tank shredder than the engineer.
  
  
• The Fan-O-War's damage boost does not effect critical damage (which is ideally at least 95% of your team's damage output) and does nothing whatsoever against tanks.
  
  
• The mad milk's healing is worthless to a Master Player, who will very rarely take damage considering their dodging & positioning ability. Additionally, all non-boss robots will die immediately after they drop.
  
  
• The strongest argument for this class is his ability to effortlessly pick up cash, but that is all it is- effortless. Any class is capable of collecting cash and there is more than enough down time in every Valve mission for a skilled player to do so.

In conclusion, there is no reason for anyone to ever play scout.

Pyro is occasionally useful because of one weapon - the Gas Passer. On very low cash, pyro is by far the most effective damage dealer. The Gas Passer requires only 400 credits to unlock most of its utility and deals non-specific damage meaning it bypasses bot resistances. Your playstyle must maximize your throws of the gas can, meaning your flamethrower is used only for recharging gas.

The correct loadout is Degreaser (for faster switch to gas), Gas Passer, and Powerjack (to return more quickly to the 2-way teleporter to buy gas recharge upgrades).

Allowed upgrades are explode on ignite, recharge rate, and then finally flamethrower damage to recharge gas quicker. Spend any cash after this on crit canteens to further hasten recharge.

It is permissible to play pyro on any mission with large numbers of steel fist heavies, as they will often survive even the most skilled demoman's crit traps.

This class has a strange and unique position in the Master Playstyle. Though Soldier only deals mediocre damage, which you may think would put him off-limits, he fills a specific and valuable role that no other class can: boosting the engineer's sentry damage with the Buff Banner. Each other class will be near-permanently crit boosted from canteens and will derive no benefit from the Banner's Minicrits, but crit canteens only increase sentry firing speed rather than directly increase its damage.

You must use the Beggar's Bazooka, because its high DPS means your Buff Banner will refill faster. Soldier is a versatile class and your roles include assisting spies with killing bosses, helping the engineer destroy tanks, and cleaning up any bots the demoman may have missed (before then pressing F1 to kick that demoman).

The permitted loadout is Beggar's Bazooka, Buff Banner, and Disciplinary Action, to enable your teammates to walk from the teleporter to the canteen station more quickly.

Demoman has the highest skill ceiling of the classes and is what every Master Player of a sufficient skill and intellect will play exclusively. However, thus far only three players of such incredible skill have emerged: Myself, Sorciere, and MADAM, I'M ADAM.

In fact, a Demoman with a teleporter is capable of soloing any Valve mission, excluding tanks and bosses. Due to these two weaknesses it is permissible for less evolved players to play soldier, spy, or engineer.

The only weapons you may touch are the Scottish Resistance and the Loose Cannon. The SR is capable of instantly killing any non-boss giant and is the most powerful and versatile weapon in the game. The Loose Cannon is a valuable utility for getting the most destruction from a single trap. Choice of melee does not matter as you will never be using it.

Upgrade priority is max damage then clip size and firing speed for more effective use of crit canteens. Reload speed may be bought as needed but is generally not necessary for Demomen who know how to optimize their traps.

The two most evolved players on any team must pick Demoman, with few exceptions such as missions with many tanks, boss bots, or steel fist heavies.

Heavy is essentially a weaker, easier to play spy. While it is true that heavy has stronger crowd control than spy, this is unnecessary as a skilled demoman will immediately kill any non-boss robot.

As you may have realized, this class has an incredibly low skill floor/ceiling and is favored by players with physical or intellectual disabilities. It goes without saying that if you are one of these players, you have no place in Mann Up.

Do not ever play this class. Time spent learning heavy is time that could be spent learning spy.

Engineer is a viable class for two reasons: the Widowmaker and the 2-Way Teleporter.

The Widowmaker is one of the most effective damage dealers in MvM and among the best items in the game.

Your role is to follow the Demo around with the teleporter exit and shoot bosses and tanks with your Widowmaker. Your sentry is lower priority as it deals little damage compared to your Widowmaker and you should only bother with a dispenser if there is absolutely nothing else to do. The Widowmaker is the best tank buster in MvM and destroying tanks is your priority.

Secondary weapon choice is irrelevant and you must never equip it. For melee you must use the Jag for faster sentry ammo refilling.

Should you ever encounter an engineer that is not actively using his widowmaker, you must call him "idle trash" and kick him.

As with any class, you must use crit canteens constantly and use your 2-Way Tele to replenish.

Played almost exclusively by socialists and transsexuals, Medic is the most despicably worthless class in the game. Playing this class is actively detrimental to your teammates as it prevents them from learning how to keep themselves alive and boost their damage with crit canteens. When you see someone pick medic, you can be certain that they have no skills and want other people to play the game for them. It is imperative that these players do not receive loot, lest their behavior continue.

• Medic does not destroy robots.
  
• Medic does not destroy tanks.
  
• Medic does not enable Master Players to destroy robots or tanks faster, as you cannot crit a player that is using crit canteens already.
  
• Medic does not contribute anything whatsoever!

If you have ever even so much as considered playing this class you must immediately uninstall TF2 and sterilize yourself.

A weaker, lower-skill demoman. Sniper is allegedly more adaptable as it requires no wave knowledge or setup, but you are expected to have each wave committed to memory before you consider entering Mann Up.

Any drooling vegetable can play this class to mediocre effect. Some may tell you that sniper "replaces" demoman but that's only if you don't know how to play demoman (bottom 85% of MvM players.)

Never pick this class unless your disconnect button is broken and you need a quick way back to the main menu.

Spy is the second best class in MvM, excelling at what demo is weakest in- sustained single-target DPS. Spy is essential for any mission that has a boss. If you think that spy is simply a gimped heavy or scout, go back to Boot Camp and learn how to play.

Permitted loadout is diamondback (for killing snipers), big earner for easier circle stabs and more cloak charges, and the dead ringer.

Some self-proclaimed "good spy players" will use the Kunai, but this weapon is purely a crutch for novice players that do not know how to dodge and manipulate aggro.

Do not waste your time or credits buying canteens for this class, since backstabs cannot be crit boosted and if any of your attacks are neither backstabs nor crit diamondback shots, you do not know how to play spy and must return to Boot Camp.

In order to maintain the quality of the playerbase, Master Players have a moral obligation to purge unevolved players from Mann Up servers. If it were possible, all undesirables would be kicked after each wave, but if the team F4s properly then there is typically only time to kick one or two players. Players shall be removed according to this list, where 1 is highest priority.

1. Last to press F4
2. F2 on vote called by Master Player
3. F1 on vote called by anyone else
4. Refunds upgrades (this implies that the player is wasting its money on resistances, or bought incorrect damage upgrades, both of which are kickable offences. The perfect upgrades for one wave are the perfect upgrades for any wave.)
5. Advocates for "fun" or spreads other harmful anti-Master Player propaganda
6. Use of unapproved class
7. Use of unapproved weapons
8. Use of non-crit canteens
9. Unauthorized usage of voice chat
10. Unauthorized usage of text chat
11. Player allows himself to die
12. Engineer allows teleporter to be destroyed
13. Engineer fails to keep teleporter within a one-second walking distance of Demoman, or has entrance in non-optimal location
14. Engineer allows other building to be destroyed

• "I play for fun"
  means
  "My dad pays for my tickets and my time is worth less than a wino's piss"
  
  
• "I'm not ready yet"
  means
  "I am incredibly arrogant and will waste the whole team's time because I incorrectly think I matter"
  
  
• "Engineer build a dispenser"
  means
  "Engineer stop being useful and babysit me because I can't manage my ammo"
  
  
• "We need a scout"
  means
  "I don't know how to keep myself alive" or "I can't multitask" or "I don't know how to manage my money"
  
  
• "No gas passer" or "No pyro on wave 1"
  means
  "I play MvM to inflate my ego rather than for loot"
  
  
• "We don't need five demomen"
  means
  "I don't understand the MvM class hierarchy and assume everyone else is as unskilled as I am"
  
  
• "We need a medic"
  means
  "I was too selfish or stupid to learn to keep myself alive and demand someone switches to a useless class so I can ignore my own lack of skill"
  
  
• "Calm down," "It's just a game," "Touch grass," and similar platitudes
  mean
  "I am too arrogant to admit that I have been defeated by your superior linguistic skills and will instead lash out like a cornered animal"

Each of these means essentially the same thing: "I need to have some consideration for the people whose families depend on australiums to eat, and get my useless ass back to boot camp!"