Hello my fellow Despot's Game enjoyers. Do you keep getting stomped by sentient tomatoes and computers? Are you tired of getting trashed by sweaty nerds in pvp? Well, here's a quick crash course on how to become a master tactician, and grab those W's.

i usually roll with the cosplay team, because getting a solid healer early on is pretty dope.

In order to maximize those juicy mutations, I like to choose the mutagens game-mode, which gives you one extra alter per floor (You're gonna wanna rush the extra mutagen per level upgrade as well). As you play through the game you're gonna wanna try to pick up upgrades for healers, shooters, and tricksters, which are the best classes in the game, and what we're going to be using for this setup. If you see something decent, don't try to gamble it by re-rolling for something better, as this usually results in you getting mutagens for classes you don't use.

Besides these class upgrades, you'll also wanna go for some of the cross-compatible ones. Hungering fury in particular is quite good, because starving your soldiers is a great way to save some money. I like to wait until I'm down to 1-2 bars to buy food, or until I'm about to fight a difficult boss.

When you get access to your first shop, keep re-rolling until you get a trickster, or a healer. These two classes will carry you through the early game. Buy them as needed, until you can defeat monsters without casualties (remember, you ain't getting item refunds on mutagen mode, so you gotta keep your soldiers alive).

As you progress through dungeons, try to avoid going into teleporter rooms until you've discovered them all. This will allow you to complete them all in one swoop, saving you money and time.

If you wanna kill Despot, get a victory royale in KOTH, and make your parents love you again, you're gonna need to know how to spend your money.

As this point, you're gonna wanna try to avoid re-rolling when you buy troops. You will encounter plenty of shops, so there's no need to blow all your tokens on a glorified slot machine, when you could be upgrading said slot machine, or buying stat upgrades.

When I buy upgrades, I like to alternate between the shop and health/attack speed. Health regeneration and magic defense are decent, but not that important. Make sure to grab a few mana upgrades, so your healers don't randomly decide to charge into a squad of mechs.

"What exactly should I be buying in stores?"

Like I mentioned earlier, you're going to get yourself through the pve content with healers and tricksters, so buy these as the difficulty of the floors increases (You're gonna wanna try to have two rows of tricksters, and a level 5 healer synergy by the end of your run).

However, you'll also need shooters for your KOTH attempt. You don't wanna have these in you team during the run, as they tend to die much quicker than tricksters, and further drive up your food consumption. You'll want to spend some of your pocket change on guns (especially those that are on sale), and then deploy them at the end of the game, before you go into PVP. Try to get as many of these as you can, along with upgrades.

Now that you've gotten to the end of the game, and assembled your army of holy warriors, it's time to troll Despot. Hit up the shops one last time, and pull up on that technophile.

Once you've dabbed on him, equip a bunch of newbies with all the guns you've bought over the course of your run, and blow all of your remaining money on upgrades and

m o r e
g u n s

The final product should be two lines of tricksters on the front, about 5-6 healers in the middle, and an absolute firing squad in the backlines. Your tricksters and shooters should also be juiced out with mutagens as well.

Now, all that's left is for you to fling your team into multiplayer, and get that easy W. As compensation for my services, I request an award. I'm begging you guys, nobody appreciates me irl. Whenever I talk to people about indie strategy games, they act like I'm clinically insane. I tried to strike up a conversation with my local starbucks barista about FTL, and she was all like, "Sir, you're holding up the line," as if I was some kind of commoner in a bread line. At this point, I began screaming, "Do you have no honor wretch?! I will strike you down, vile succubus!", before blasting that hoe with the light of god (concealed carry flairgun). I then made my getaway in my gamer mobile (2001 Honda Civic), and hid out in my gamer lair (cave in the mountains).

Moral of the story: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ain't ♥♥♥♥

#MGTOW