So you want to learn how to spawn items?

This guide is complete with every step and process to spawning items in Garry's Mod, along with some neat tips and tricks to making your spawning life a helluva lot easier!

You will need:

• Garry's Mod
  
• Half-Life 2
  
• Counter-Strike: Source (Optional)
  
• 12 pack of condoms
  
• A picture of a loved one
  
• Goat's blood
  
• Enough candles to form a pentagram

When spawning items, you want to be as careful as possible. Take all necessary precautions to avoid injury!

The first step towards spawning items begins with booting up your computer (duh!). This process varies between each computer, but the product is exactly the same. When doing this, do not boot up your computer the usual way! Press DEL and go to the BIOS. Upon entry, set up your draw a pentagram with your goat's blood across the length of the desk. Place your candles to each point of the pentagram accordingly.

Once you have your pentagram and candles set up, begin chanting the words "Chanchunga" in a whisper voice. Gradually increase the volume until you begin to yell at the top of your lungs. At this point, a supersized Big Mac™ meal should arise amidst the dense fog that is your computer desk. Carefully examine the meal and check for any bald spots or receding hairlines. Once examined, take a bite on the freshest side of the burger. After you take a bite, a large black figure resembling a famous African American song poet should arise forth from your now mess of a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ computer desk.

The third and final step!

If all the step are executed correctly, the large black figure should be reciting the words:
"♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hyped up
♥♥♥♥♥ just grabbed a ♥♥♥♥♥ and snuffed a ♥♥♥♥♥
And it was on.. nothing stopping him boy
Them ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ was ready for anything
Them ♥♥♥♥♥♥ was packing burners, ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ready to fight with them
♥♥♥♥♥♥ doing what they had to do homes
♥♥♥♥♥♥ on the real flip mode homes
Like come on, come on, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥"

After these words are recited, set your alarm to 3 AM and close your eyes. Do not let anything the big ♥♥♥♥♥ says wake you up. Once the alarm goes off, wake up and the large black dude should be gone. You must be quick, you only have 30 minutes to execute this step. Open your steam program and login in 120 WPM or more. If installed, run Garry's Mod and try to get it open in a minimum of 20 seconds and maximum of 49 seconds. Select singleplayer and there should be a new map entitled "gm_analprolapse". Select this map and run it. If the previous steps were executed correctly, the map should run. If not, you are going to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DIE. Once the nodes are done caching, hold Q and spawn any item of your choice!

Congratulations! You have spawned an item!
Give your self a round of applause!