ah yes, welcome gamers of culture. do you want to do the mass effect universe a BIG favour? no i'm not talking about killing reapers or mechanical squidwards, i'm talking about killing jacob.

who's jacob you ask?

idk.

lets go.

oh, um, spoilers i guess - though the originals have been out for more than 10 years now

note: please no racist comments, there's a reason why ashley was virmired.

very important prelim stuff

- do everyone's loyalty mission except jacob's

- important: make sure that everyone has their loyalty mission done BEFORE the reaper IFF mission, otherwise it will set a timer to the collectors abducting your crew. make sure that your normandy is decked out with the life-saving upgrades

- more important: ignore jacob completely - take his normandy upgrades though

- now there are several ways to articulate this bland piece of cardboard character's death during the suicide mission:


1: the idiot volunteers to go do the vents, oblige. (this can kill him even if you complete his loyalty mission because he's not a tech expert).



1.1: to clarify, the option to choose a vent infiltrator occurs right after the long-ass cutscene after you enter the Omega 4 relay. you give a rowdy speech and pump every one up for the suicide mission. the vents are literally the first segment of organising the suicide mission as well as your first opportunity to kill this dude




2: after selecting a biotic expert to create the forcefield, select jacob to be the second fire team leader (for him to die, you must 'accidentally' forget to do his loyalty mission), he will be too focused on his daddy issues to lead and he will be rendered deceased

2.1: choose a sh1tty biotic character for the forcefield such as miranda and choose Jacob as part of your squad to go through the swarm; the forcefield fails because miranda uses biotics to inflate her chest and butt rather than combat and Jacob should be taken away by the seeker swarms.



Sidenote: choose a lower death priority squadmate such as tali in order to ensure that Jacob gets taken away by the seeker swarms and not a higher death priority squad mate such as grunt

3. the final opportunity to kill this blank wall on legs is the final battle - if you did not do his loyalty mission, take him along with you.

final note: congratulations, you have now successfully killed off a piece of cardboard, a cheater and an inferior romance option to garrus. now you can transfer your save file to mass effect 3 with every interesting character.

bonus: here's the illusive man having a stroke, courtesy of mgamerz



bonus 2: jacob dying in action

Long-ass Cutscene

- Survival of your crew members relies on several upgrades to the Normandy. Otherwise the Normandy is incapable of surviving attacks from the Collectors.

- In order to deck out the Normandy, you must talk to your squadmates and you will be prompted
with the [UPGRADES] tab in the investigatory section of the conversation wheel. You will need THREE, vital upgrades in order to ensure none of your interesting characters die.

1. Heavy Ship Armour [Jacob] - literally the only useful thing this guy possesses.

2. Thanix Cannon [Garrus] - he doesn't spend all day calibrating for sh1ts and giggles.

3. Multicore Shielding [Tali] - nerdy tech gf saves the day.

- If you do not possess these upgrades, the following crewmates will die (in order of preference);

• Heavy Ship Armor: Jack
  
• Multicore Shielding: Kasumi, Legion, Tali, Thane, Garrus, Zaeed, Grunt
  
• Thanix Cannon: Thane, Garrus, Zaeed, Grunt, Jack, Samara/Morinth

- UNFORTUNATELY, Jacob CANNOT die if you fail to obtain any of these upgrades. Which is a damn shame.


Vents

- Optimal squadmates for the vents are (loyal); Tali, Legion and Kasumi. Send Jacob, he volunteered. He will DEFINITELY die.

Fire Team Leader

- Failing that, 2nd opportunity comes around the selection of the 2nd Fire Team Leader.

- Note that Jacob is an optimal pick for this role; alongside (loyal) Miranda and Garrus. Make sure that Jacob is NOT loyal for this role; he will die.


Biotic Specialist

- Ideal Biotic specialists for the forcefield include (loyal); Jack/Samara/Morinth.

- Proceed to pick a crappy biotic such as Miranda or Thane, or pick an unloyal Jack/Samara/Morinth. DO NOT pick Jacob. He will survive the ordeal and one of the cool squad mates you choose to go with you will be taken away by seeker swarms.

- Once a sh1t biotic has been selected, choose Jacob to accompany you through the seeker swarm. For the second squadmate accompanying you - you must have a lower priority seeker swarm target, otherwise that team mate will be taken away instead of Jacob.

- Squadmates I have found to be definitely low priority are Tali, Miranda and Kasumi (not sure if there are anymore). Close your eyes and revel in the sweet screaming and pain of the worst character in the series being dragged away to be turned into gray liquid.

Distraction Fire Team Leader

- Straight forward. Choose unloyal Jacob to fill this role and he will die.

Escort

- When prompted to choose who will escort the Normandy Crew (or just Chakwas if you decided to f**k around after your crew was abducted), choosing any unloyal squadmate to accompany them will result in your crew surviving but the squadmate dying.

- Selecting unloyal Jacob will result in his death however it is off-screen and not really satisfying.


- Straight forward, bringing unloyal Jacob will end up seeing him dead by crushing debris or something. Not sure if the other squad mate will die as well as a result.

- Final opportunity of Jacob's death if you decided to select other characters in the above roles for narrative purposes or something.