ok welcome back class we are back in session today our crimes are

1: kidnap
2: robbery
3: grand theft auto

ok so a bunch of you guys (didnt) asked me how i got the guy in my jail cell from last time so i will show you

step 1:
get a van (preferably white with black tinted windows)
now i wasnt able to find a white van but i found a couple of people who were willing to give me their car for this guide

step 2:
find a victim

(preferably not a police officer or soldier, i know from experience)


step 3:
kidnap them by shoving them in your vehicle


step 4:
escape


yeah im aware this was really easy to do but thats because kidnapping is easy all you gotta do is shove them in your trunk and pray to allah their feet arent sticking out

ok to make up for the previous one im gonna make this one a more complicated crime, in short we are gonna be robbing a bank

step 1:
alright youre gonna need to find a money truck that looks like this


step 2:
follow it around, DONT BE SUS or they will call the cops on you which its not fun getting away from a 5 star wanted level in real life


step 3:
if you followed steps 1 and 2 correctly you should end up at a bank, but first you have to pack your car-mounted machine guns away so you arent S U S


step 4:
once youve packed up your car-mounted machine guns you should case the bank first, know where the cameras are, where guards are positioned, etc

i can tell there is a police officer here because he is asking me to stop smelling him

step 5: take out any and all guards quietly so they dont call for backup

as you can see i put a suppressor on my bazooka so the bank teller cant hear the guard die

step 6:
now that the guard is dealt with we can move on to actually robbing the bank, which the first step to robbery is nicely asking the teller to open the vault

some of you with very functional eyes might have noticed that the teller hit the panic button, and you would be correct

step 7:
we arent allowed to have witnesses due to step 6


step 8:
now that the police are coming we gotta act fast and the fastest way i know to get into the safe is with C4

for some reason the idiot building this place decided to put the safe inside the ceiling (no offense Гоголь) so now ive gotta take the light off to even access the same room as the safe

step 9:
place the C4 on the room with the safe

at this point im tired of this and realized the police are already about 10 minutes away so i used some random stick i stole from a magician at a kids birthday party to just warp the C4 onto the roof

step 10:
take cover from the blast


step 11:
go to the safe and realize it wasnt opened in the blast


step 12:
get that stupid stick from earlier and open the safe


step 13:
load all the cash into a briefcase


step 14:
shove it all in your trunk


step 15:
escape as fast as possible so you have the least amount of chance to get struck by lightning


step 16:
get struck by lightning anyway


and that is how robery

hello this is grand theft auto the crime not the videogame from rockstar games the company that makes videogames for computer yes yes its real simple i promise just follow along like this is a bob ross tutorial but for very illegal crimes instead of very wholesome painting sessions

step 1:
grab your juggernaut armor and suit up because grand theft auto is a very dangerous crime


step 2:
find a car to steal


step 3:
steal it


step 4:
drive it home



and thats how you get somebody to hire a hitman on you

and that was another 3 crimes and how to commit them thanks for attending class dismissed



















youre still here? alright lemme let you in on a little secret