A hedgehog are a group of spiny mammals, represented in the subfamily, Erinaceinae, in the Eulipotyphlan family Erinaceidae. The scientists would have you believe that these mammals were produced by nature, which provided them with spiny backsides to ensure there survival, however, the truth as always differs. Hedgehogs were produced by God to aesthetically have the appearance as delicious, honeycomb ice cream's. This appearance was concocted, to tempt the human race to devour this species and consume there honeyed nectar. Essentially, hedgehog's exist as an embodiment of the trial which all mammals must face, the trial of iron resolve, the ability to avoid succumbing to the temptation of the wily seductress. As referenced in the Bible, the hedgehog was often sought after by various Canaanite merchants, who wished only to live in luxury. These merchants, stumbled upon the hedgehog in an isolated grove and together, all concocted a plan, they would jump upon the hedgehog and wrest it firmly into the ground, while they poured salt shakers onto it, to effectively season the ice cream until feasting. The plan went awry however, as it was soon revealed that the beast had spikes, which inflicted such damage upon the merchants that they swore never to be beguiled by temptation ever again. It is depicted in the stories of religious lore, that when God fashioned these naive and innocent beasts, he installed within them spikes. These spikes were to reflect the immediate consequences of one succumbing to an often temporary temptation. While negative connotations certainly exist in the story, especially in regards to Canaanite merchants, the morale remains stoic and conspicuous, even in the winter wind. Never, regardless of the potential envisioned reward succumb to temptation, never for one second believe the myth that hedgehogs taste identical to that of honeycomb ice cream.

In the unlikely event that you fair viewers are not fellow hedgehog enthusiasts, dedicating untold amounts of hours to studying hedgehogs, I would like to inform all that hedgehogs are not blue. Instead they outwardly possess caramel coloured fur, with a vanilla coloured inner belly. For non experts this is a relatively simple mistake to glance over. While many Sonic fans, demonstrating signs of obsessive behaviour, sprout nonsense and claim that Sonic has faced anomalies, such as being permanently infused with a bucket of blue paint in some type of scientific experiment or transforming blue due to fraction resulting from heat produced by high running speeds, I would like to officially state that none of the rumours are genuine. They are instead baseless claims, perpetuated in an attempt to uphold Sonic's pristine reputation.

Contrary to popular belief, ordinary hedgehogs are relatively swift for there size, being able to traverse regions at distances of 4 miles per second. In contrast, Sonic runs at extraordinary speeds, being faster than the speed of light, at 765 miles per hour. This is an exceedingly high speed for any mammal to produce and for a hedgehog of all creatures to perform such a feat is utterly inconceivable.

Now, likely you have been pondering on the true appearance of Sonic and here it is. Below, depicts the appearance of Sonic.


This is Sonic without the CGI, without the technical manipulations that Sega coyly employs. Bask your eyes upon this image and sear it into the very depths of your memory. Sonic, is not a squirrel, but instead he is a man in a squirrel suit. Penis. Although, he may appear to possess squirrel like attributes, this is often the work of exterior forces at play, artificially polishing and refining his bestial attributes. Dear viewer, I will reiterate again, feast your eyes upon this unforgettable sight and attempt to not cave into the inevitable distress that you will face.

In conclusion, it must be explicitly bellowed throughout the halls that Sonic is not a genuine hedgehog, hailing from Boston and is instead likely an immensely mating deprived lunatic, seeking a mate for copulation purposes. I wish for this work of educational literature to be proudly broadcasted in every educational sector, to every caste, as this is significant work, which requires earnest analytical minds to explore and delve into the contents. Now, without further ado, Godspeed and remember we must state the truth, regardless of repercussions, do not place your trust wholly into Sega, they wish us to remain in complete domestic servitude, believing that Sonic is a genuine hedgehog. However, remember we will not capitulate, we will not run like utter cravens, instead we will unfurl the banner of truth, standing stoically against the face of adversary. May the children of Rivellion triumph once more.