Hello children, my name is Bubb and today I will be helping you out of the ghetto and deciding what faction is right for you (if any).
The first thing to do is listen to this song during character creation:
This will give you the inspiration to stay the f‎uck out of the ghetto like a good white boi should. The second thing to do is find a faction that is currently wrecking face and offer your services as a mercenary. AND FOR F‎UCK'S SAKE KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR TOURNAMENTS, WHEN YOU'RE LIKE LEVEL 5 TOURNAMENTS WILL BE EZ-PZ IF YOU SAVE BEFORE ATTEMPTING THEM. YUMMY YUMMY GOLD MMM GOLD MMM RENOWN MMMMMMM.
You might think that you should become a mercenary for the faction you plan on joining, however, this is not always the right thing to do. Joining their enemies might seem re‎tarded at first, but it's actually smart as all f‎uck. Here's why: when you defeat an enemy lord, you have the opportunity to take him prisoner or let him go. For the love of buttery jesus crust, do not take him prisoner unless he says some line about calling back your dogs, because when you let them go, you get an immediate +5 to their disposition and a little bit of honor. If they're a certain type of personality, you can get ANOTHER +5 after talking to them later. The exceptions to this are the King (but only if you don't want to join that faction) cause the King gets a f‎ucking HUGE ransom, I'm talking like 10k+. The other is the call back your dogs guy, he will assume you're being a sadistic p‎rick by letting him go and will hate your f‎u‎c‎king guts more than if you had just captured him. The gold is tempting, but while gold will eventually be ez-pz to acquire, gaining dispostion with lords takes longer to do than your mom putting on her f‎u‎cki‎ng makeup before going out to eat as a kid like really mom hurry the f‎uck up you're already married nobody cares what you look like jesus crust.

Thankfully the computer does not take troop QUALITY into account when determining automated siege battles, meaning that any army is capable of taking any city as long as you don't get involved, because the computer thinks that 400 recruits are a match for 200 huscarls, which is dead f‎ucking wrong but for the sake of gameplay it must happen or otherwise the rhodoks would never lose castles to the computers. So basically you can pick any faction you want and they will be viable as long as you do a good job maintaining your chosen faction (be wary of siege battles with 2 factions i will point out later)

The first faction to look at is Swadia, basically just a ripoff of the holy roman empire. If you have particularly large t‎esticles I would recommend taking Swadia over with Isolde of Suno, cause she is a much more competent and generous ruler than King Harlaus the Fat who will literally declare feasts in the middle of a f‎ucking war with the enemy beating down the doors to Praven (I AM NOT EXAGGERATING, I HAVE SEEN THIS S‎HIT HAPPEN) and he also keeps most of the f‎ucking fiefs for himself like an as‎shole. Swadia has the unfortunate disadvantage of being right smack dab in the middle of the map, meaning they will get penetrated from all sides more than the world's most passionate g‎angb‎ang enthusiast. However they are not without their upsides. Swadian knights are basically a giant middle finger to anyone who isn't them, with the possible exception of mamlukes and huscarls (but only in foot battles). The rest of the Swadian army is nothing to get excited about, but the sergeants can be okay if you don't mind them sucking a‎ss and dying to anything above tier 2, and the constant feasting means the lords of Swadia will have an OK relationship with Harlaus, but seriously, Isolde is a million times better.


The second faction are the Rhodoks, known to the more seasoned M&BWB players as "that one c‎ocks‎ucking faction". Essentially a melting pot of switzerland, italy, and spain, with ridiculously accurate crossbowmen that are surprisingly competent in melee, the toughest ground troops in the entire game with boatloads of health and a metric f‎uckton of armor, not to mention their brick wall shields (though they get f‎ucked by Huscarls, but then, what doesn't). Computer lords tend to get rolled in ground battles due to the fact that positioning is most important thing for Rhodok armies, but they are the uncontested masters at being complete fu‎ckwads during siege defense. Overall a very strong faction with great troops that require patience and positioning to win with, though they have no real weaknesses when positioned proper.


The third faction are the Nords, and if I have to tell you what these guys are based off of, you should stop playing this game and go read up on your history you f‎ucking philistine. These guys contain the holy grail of siege battles, the heavyweight champions at d‎ick boxing, the masters of death and destruction and making the computer buy a‎nal lube, MOTHERF‎U‎CKI‎NG HUSCARLS. I can't even suck these guys' di‎cks enough, they're just fantastic. Great shields, they hit like f‎ucking trucks, and they throw a bunch of axes to kill the enemy before they're even in melee range. The downside to the Nord faction is that any nord troop below the top tier for archers and nord veteran/huscarl for melee tier is pretty s‎hit. Even the top tier nord archers aren't that great, but they do okay damage with their long bows. You're definitely better off grabbing summa dat rhodok or sarranid a‎ss when it comes to archers tho.


The fourth and final faction of the white supremacists, the Vaegirs, also known as the russians. This faction is f‎ucking useless. F‎ucking. Useless. Before the Sarranids they had the best bow archers in the game, but now they have nothing. Everything they have, another faction does better. They're weak as s‎hit in sieges, both defending and attacking, their Knights are severely outdone by Mamlukes and Swadian knights, and the Sarranids can match the Vaegirs arrow for arrow, with better ground troops AND DID I MENTION F‎UCKING MAMLUKES BRO? The one thing they have going for them is that their troops are extremely cheap, they level up fast, and their upkeep is pi‎ss. So I guess you can zerg with them in the early game but that's just not a good idea cause you should spend that time leveling troops that will ACTUALLY F‎UCKIN DO SOMETHING? Never attempt siege battles if these guys are the bulk of your force, but then, if you've decided to make them your primary troops after everything I've just said, you're either stupid or have huge balls and love to get your face smashed (respect if the latter).
EDIT: Due to some r‎eta‎rded a‎ss comments I am forced to add a disclaimer - THE VAEGIR AI LORDS ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF TAKING AND HOLDING CASTLES IN COMPUTER GENERATED SIEGES. AS I HAVE NOTED, TROOP QUALITY IS NOT TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT, ONLY QUANTITY, AND AS THE VAEGIRS OFTEN HAVE A F‎U‎CK‎LOAD OF S‎H‎ITTY TROOPS, YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING. IN ACTUAL SIEGES THAT INVOLVE YOU HOWEVER, THEY ARE USELESS.

The fifth faction are the mongolia- I mean huns- I mean Dothraki- I mean Khergits. Arguably the second manliest faction after the nords, the Khergits will wreck your sh‎it in the early game ground battles, because all your troops are weaker than my attempts at humour and more awkward than Chase asking a girl out on a date. Thankfully, this is offset by their troo- HOLY S‎HIT WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO MY KNIGHTS AND MY ARCHERS OH GOD I'M F‎UCKING DYING PLEASE JESUS
WHAT HAPPENED?
LANCERS HAPPENED.
Khergit. Mothaf‎uckin. Lancers.
These guys are like the open ground battle equivalent of Huscarls. They will kill your knights. They will kill your archers, and they will f‎u‎cki‎ng kill you too. The up side? The computer doesn't usually have more than 20 or 30 of them, and you can get them too. They're reasonably cheap for a top tier troop, they gain EXP super fast, and their upkeep is low. Khergit veteran horse archers are extremely annoying to deal with, and COULD be a real problem if the computer knew how to use them correctly. Fortunately for you, they just charge them into your men to get slaughtered quicker than a p‎ros‎titu‎te in the United Kingdom circa 1888. Arguably the best faction for open ground battles, however they rapidly drop off in performance in mountainous/hilly areas, and are even worse than vaegirs at siege defense (though they're reasonable for offense). Good archers, the Lancers are fantastic, solid faction to play, but you gotta be REAL f‎uckin careful where you fight.

The sixth faction, and my personal favorite, SARRANID SULTANATE. Based off the Persians and the Sassanid. The most balanced faction in my opinion. Not obviously overpowered like the Rhodoks, no real weaknesses like the Khergits, Nords, or Swadians, and their troops are miles better in every respect to the Vaegirs. You could say, well, if they're a jack of all trades, then they must be master of none, right? F‎ucking nope. Sarranid archers are the bomb, capable of outclassing Rhodok sharpshooters in open terrain, and their Mamlukes use of blunt weapons and lances mean they can punch through armor like a stripper jumps out a f‎uckin cake. Wavers a little bit with infantry, but their archers and cavalry are so good at supporting the style of the infantry it matters less than this pointless cycle of existence in which we are trapped. Don't let no busta step to you bout playin the muslim faction, cause you're a strong black woman that don't need no freedom.

Once you've had some time to build up your army and get a town with a few villages, you will start raking in cash. ESPECIALLY if you go to your villages and do s‎hitty little tasks for them like bringing them grain or cows or some stupid s‎hit. If you have a town, do a bunch of quests for the guild master there to raise your disposition with the town, cause the more a fief likes you, the more taxes they're willing to pay.
Oh, and BUILD A MESSENGER POST AND A WATCH TOWER, IN THAT ORDER. Always be on the lookout for f‎uckfaces trying to raid your villages, because when they raid your s‎h‎it, they can't pay taxes for like a week or two, and your previously Very Rich village will be set all the way back to Very Poor, meaning the taxes they eventually DO pay will be f‎u‎‎ck all.
The biggest and best money in the game comes from fiefs. Take care of your fiefs, watch over them like an overly protective mother and you will have more money than you know what to do with.

In closing, I will add that if you don't use the diplomacy mod for this game, you are missing out so hardcore. Look it up, it's f‎ucking great.

Seriously, look it the f‎uck up, don't be a lazy a‎sshole.