Beat the game

Simply do everything the narrator asks you

You can't jump

Spam your spacebar really hard constantly for this achievement

Welcome back

Start the game up then quit and close the game down, then load it back up

Achievement

Go to the extras menu and then enable achievements for this

Click on door 430 five times

Just outside your office is door 430, go click it a couple times and when the narrator tells you to go click on other stuff just follow what he says

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Go to the keypad in the boss's room and then spam 8 on it

Go outside

Set your PC internal clock to 5 years ahead, then load up the game to get this. Remember to set it back to the correct date after!

Speed Run

Go to the bosses office, use the keypad like usual and then go down the elevator, then restart the game (from the pause menu) and do it again, this time the secret door will open faster, go down the elevator then restart again. Now keep restarting till you get a straight hallway out of stanley's office that leads directly to the two doors, then run as fast as you can and just do as the narrator says, you should get it this way.

Unachievable

Cannot be gotten without using SAM

Commitment

Play the game for 24 hours on a tuesday, change your system clock while the game is running for this.

Thanks for reading my guide!