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How to be the perfect Killer (According to Survivor Mains) [2023 Update]
By Valistor
You are tired of the complaints from survivors? You want to become better at being killer? You are scared of survivor mains and agree to obey? Well, then this is the perfect guide for you!
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Created by
Valistor
Offline
Category: Gameplay Basics, Multiplayer
Languages: English
Posted
Updated
23 Jun, 2019 @ 10:19am
30 Aug, 2023 @ 3:51am
8,610 Unique Visitors
140 Current Favorites
Guide Index
Overview
DISCLAIMER: 
How to choose a Killer 
How to play 
Post-Game 
Comments
DISCLAIMER:
This Guide contains subtle sarcasm and is intended to be taken as a joke
How to choose a Killer
1. Do not play any of the following Killers for they may be difficult to handle for Survivors:
  • Nurse
  • Hag
  • Doctor
  • Huntress
  • Leatherface
  • Freddy
  • Clown
  • Spirit
  • Legion
  • Plague
  • Deathslinger
  • Blight
  • Twins
  • Trickster
  • Nemesis
  • Pinhead
  • Onryō
  • Dredge
  • Knight
  • Skull Merchant
    >That's only 20/33 Killers, so there's plenty left for you to enjoy!

    2. Do not use any Add-Ons, except:
    Speed-Limiter on The Hillbilly
    Padded Jaws on The Trapper

    3. Do not use any perks, for they will only make it more difficult for Survivors. As Killers, we obviously don't want that.

How to play
Bloodpoints are important
1. Make sure to give Survivors as many points as humanly possible.
This includes:
  • Take the sub-optimal paths around Loops to give Survivors more Chased-Points
  • Respect every pallet to increase chase-lenght even further
  • Do not destroy dropped pallets to maximize chase-lenght
  • Do not interrupt Survivors from doing generators
  • Do not interrupt Survivors from healing
  • Do not interrupt Survivors from sabotaging
  • Do not interrupt Survivors from looting a chest
  • Do not interrupt Survivors from doing Killer-Specific actions such as:
    Interacting with Pig's Jigsaw Box
    Using the Antidote versus Wesker
    Using the EMP Versus Singularity
    Using the Flamethrower versus Xenomorph

    2. Do not farm unless:
    A: The Survivors tell you to.
    B: There's no 2nd option. Always listen to what the Survivors want.

    3. Always use one of the following offerings:
  • Bloody Party Streamers
  • Frightful Flan
  • Ghastly Gateau
  • Sacrificial Cake
  • Terrormisu
    Survivors love more points for zero effort

    Respect the disrespect
    1. Always let the survivors T-Bag you. Do not turn away. Acknowledge the T-Bag. Let them know that you know they are superior.

    2. If a Survivor is repeatedly doing a rushed action to obviously get your attention, drop whatever you're doing and go to that Survivor.

    3. Do not disrespect the Survivors. This Includes:
  • Nodding at the Survivors
  • T-Bagging the Survivors
  • Slugging the Survivors
  • Hitting hooked Survivors
  • Mori-ing the Survivors
  • Repeatedly using and interrupting your Killer-Ability infront of the Survivors

    Reminder: Taunting the Killer as Survivor is okay. Taunting the Survivor as Killer is unacceptable.

    Survivability
    1. Do not camp a hooked Survivor.
    Walk away from the hook as soon as you hook a Survivor.
    This includes:
  • Do not look around for other Survivors near the hook
  • Do not kick any generators nearby the hooked Survivor
  • If you have a speed ability, use your ability to get away from the hooked Survivor faster
  • If you saw other Survivors near the hooked Survivor, pretend you didn't see them
  • If a Survivor runs into you as you are walking away, pretend you didn't notice
  • If you are using Perks that reveal other Survivors are close, ignore your Perk
    But you're a good Killer and you've read step 1. You'd never use Perks

    2. Do not Tunnel a Survivor.
  • Do never go after an injured Survivor, for this is unfair.
  • Do never go after the latest unhooked Survivor, for this is Tunneling.
  • If an injured Survivor is bodyblocking you, pretend you believe it's a rock you are stuck on.
  • Do never down a Survivor who would be dead on hook. This is also Tunneling.

    3. Do not kill a Survivor. Survivors do not like to be killed.
  • Do never hook a Survivor more than twice. It is your job to keep track of their Hook-Stages.
  • Do never down a Survivor who would be dead on hook.
    This means: Hit the Survivor once, and pretend you've lost them. Even if they are in plain sight.
  • Do never use a Mori on a Survivor, for this is equal to a federal crime.

    4. Let the Survivors enjoy their victory over you in the End-Game
  • Do never check up on the unopened Exit-Gates, for it may interrupt Survivors from opening it.
  • Do never prevent a Survivor from getting to an opened Exit-Gate.
  • Do not check up on opened Exit-Gates, unless:
    Survivors are doing rushed actions to get your attention. In which case, go to the Survivors and let them T-Bag you at the Exit-Gate.
  • Do not kick them out of the Exit-Gate, for it will ruin their victory-dance.
  • Do not turn away from their Teabagging, for it will invalidate their victory-dance.
  • Do not close the hatch, so the last Survivor may get it without any harm.


Post-Game
Chat-Rules
1. Immediately after the game, type "wp" in chat.
Optional: Add "tough match" to your message, in order to make the Survivors feel even superior.
  • Do not say "gg", for it implies that you had fun. Survivors don't like when Killers have fun.
  • Do not leave the lobby. Instead, wait a few minutes for Survivors to respond.

    If the Survivors start typing things such as "gg ez", "get gud" or "baby killer" then congratulatons!
    You've made it! The Survivors are happy and feel like winners.
    This is our goal as Killer-Mains.

    Be sure to not leave the chat until every Survivor has sent their victory-message


    If you follow all the instructions, you will be the perfect Killer. A Killer every survivor main dreams of. They will never hate you ever again and your days of having to endure complaints are over!


    WARNING
    A Survivor may contact you after the game, in form of a comment on your Steam profile.
    A Killer in such a situation has to stay calm. Personal contact like that with Survivors is not unusual.
    It may end with a simple "-rep". However, if the Survivor engages in conversation with you,
    be sure to:
  • Agree with what the survivor says.
  • Do not block them, for it invalidates their freedom of speech.
  • Do not turn off your comment section, for the same reasons.
  • Do never show your own opinion. Personal opinions make Survivors mad.

    Rest assured, the daily amount of comments left on strangers Steam profiles, are limited.
    The Survivor will have to leave you alone eventually. You will be safe.

    May the entity bless console players, who cannot rely on the daily-text-limit...




    This satirical guide was brought to you by:
    a 5000Hrs Killer main with heavy Dead by Daylight burn-out
99 Comments
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bowserinmars 1 Dec, 2022 @ 8:55pm 
dude writes a good guide then doesnt practice what he preaches. unacceptable. so tahxic
NoNoodles 10 Jan, 2022 @ 3:06am 
"Remember: Teabagging as survivor is ok but teabagging as killer is unaccaptable." was my favorite part
i'll take you to the moon 27 Oct, 2021 @ 7:37am 
thats exactly how to play, thanks for the good guide
New_Scout 24 Dec, 2020 @ 5:00pm 
or just be an oni main and slug all of the toxic kids. then tell them thank you for giving you your power
Akonee 3 Jun, 2020 @ 3:15pm 
Lol XD
Swanky McSwanky Pants 14 Nov, 2019 @ 8:56pm 
this is so funny and the best part is lots of the community actually thinks this way. shame some people dont see that tho
LumeNoir 15 Sep, 2019 @ 5:11pm 
Wow, thanks Daddy Myers! that's help a lot. I'm got so much Love now after i follow your guide! unbelivebel why i haven't see it sooner?! now i'm a main Killer and the best Killer in the whole world! Thanks alot Daddy
Patchw0rk 21 Jul, 2019 @ 6:27pm 
Of course my dumbass ignored the couple of paragraphs reading : WARNING: Again, this is a joke and nothing of this is meant serious. Apparently some don`t understand the satire behind this Guide.
Patchw0rk 21 Jul, 2019 @ 6:27pm 
My bad Satan. In my defence, Sarcasm is pretty damn hard to read
THEGLORIOUSMUSTACHE 8 Jul, 2019 @ 3:53am 
Best guide ever. Thank you for this masterpiece.