Lately I've been playing on some lovely servers in which people, ironically, hack to insta-kick people.

That's right! Some heroes out there have hacked Ace of Spades to let them instantly kick any player, without a vote at all!

I propose we have a moment of silence, out of sheer mind-numbing respect, for these fine men and women.

They're really doing the lord's work!

I couldn't help myself, and have added a new section just about them! We owe so many kicks to these incredible people! Huzzah!

-Biggles, 6/19/2014

Ace Of Spades, as we all know well, is a fun little game where everything is made of styrofoam and therefore breaks at the slightest poke of a mighty trowel. It's natural, therefore, to want to play it. And break stuff. And maybe kill the occasional fellow while you're at it.

But then, it happens. You've racked up 5,000 points, have a killstreak going a mile wide, and BAM! A box pops up on the mid-left of your HUD, declaring you a hacker, griefer, or worst of all, ABUSER!

The community frowns upon you, sure. They furrow their brows, reach for the F1 key, and there you have it. Kicked. Thrown out of the match.

It is in that moment that a love is born. You begin to crave that almighty kick, that game-defining moment in which a few people declare your success a form of hacking. Or maybe you don't. Perhaps it annoys you. Maybe it's even ruining the game. I'm kidding, of course, HOW COULD THAT MAKE ACE OF SPADES UNPLAYABLE?

...

*suppresses anger*

So yes, you begin craving those moments where the rage of others results in the rules getting a good breaking, and your sorry butt is sent back to the main menu. While you have never hacked, griefed, or even abused anything, you start to seek out those glorious kicks. But how can you get them from the community with a good level of consistency?

Worry no longer. Ol' Biggles is here to share his tips, tricks, and even tactics (the 3 t's, if you will) that should, if nothing else, set you down the path to vote-kick glory.

This method is simple. Find hacks, and enable them. Try to get EVERYONE ELSE kicked. Break your team's things after they ask you, many times, politely, to stop. These are great ways to not only get kicked, but be a generally terrible person.

This is a great choice if you're a miserable cretin (hence the title) that actually thinks this guide is a serious look at how you could increase the number of times you're being kicked, and why that's a good thing.

There is an unspoken rule amongst Ace Of Spades players that anyone having fun experimenting with unusual weapon choices, such as:

• Getting kills with the Drill Cannon
  
• Trying out the spade on the back of the enemy team's collective skulls
  
• Shooting blocks at the torsos of enemy players

...must be kicked immediately.

You see, these weapons are, as I have been told more than once by fellow players, "impossible to get kills with," and therefore are "hacking". Should you get many kills with these weapons, enemies are sure to let the kicks fly!

Perhaps you aren't the violent type. No worries! There's a kind of fun you can have that will equal a sweet, savory kick too!

Build stuff in your own custom server! Maybe you picked up Ace of Spades wanting only to build a tower with a few friends. If that sounds like you, you're "ruining the game" for everyone, as I once witnessed a gruff commando post in the chat. The player building his tower was met with a swift votekick, for abuse! It might have been a server he made specifically to build things, but that commando and his friends didn't take too kindly to his fun, and who knows? They might not to yours either!

I've had a few good matches in my time, and that's why I know for sure this tip is bound to let the kicks fly free! Some players are arrogant enough to assume their score total is the best there will ever be, and daring to do better than them might just result in a sweet kick of your very own!

I personally have never hacked, but thanks to the AoS community, I don't need to to rack up sweet, beautiful kicks!

This might just work for you too! Play really well, and when they accuse your class of being "overpowered", switch to a different one and keep giving 'em what-for!

Since no one can possibly be good at two classes, the only logical conclusion is that you must be hacking, even though you've never installed a hack or know where to find one! How efficient!

Despite popular belief, you might get kicked for any number of other reasons, such as a player making room for friends, killing someone even once, or simply existing! The possibilities are endless in the world of kicks, and as long as Jagex utilizes a vote-kick system, that's how things will stay.



You see, the typical player will vote yes just to get a player killing them, making them upset, out of the game, regardless of if that player is actually doing anything wrong. So buckle down, hunker up, and rest assured that someday, you too will be kick-

*vote initiated*

Vote to kick Biggles for talking too long? Vote Initiated by The World
Yes [25,345]
No []

Aww, you guys know just what to get m-

*kicked to steam library*

*Biggles rejoins the guide, after being kicked for roughly a year*

Wow guys, I sure learned my lesson! How dare I hack, grief, or abuse your lives, right?

Well, I've had a year to think about my mistakes, and I promise I've learned from them. I'll be providing you all, as a last-ditch effort to save my very soul, with a single, final, super-secret technique that I SWEAR guarantees a kick!

It's untold to mere men. I had to venture through caves, deserts, and even a few shopping malls to get this information. I lost a lot of good soldiers. Especially Buxley. Let's all shed a single tear for Buxley.

Oh goodness why? Why him?

BUT I DIGRESS

Here it is. This is what I spent every ounce of energy I have to find out.

Do nothing at all.

That's right! Don't even wait for a vote! You can now, as of this writing, be kicked INSTANTLY, for no reason!

Real hackers, who I like to imagine look a bit like that fellow from that film about that kid who dances to become class president, have discovered a way to kick that knows no bounds.

There is no vote. You simply get kicked. For absolutely no reason at all.

It's heaven for people like us, us gamers who crave kicks like tap dancers crave shoes. They really do, it's so weird.

BUT I DIGRESS

So there you have it. Don't worry about being kicked. Don't even try to be.

You simply will.

VOTE TO KICK BIGGLES FOR DOING NOTHING OFFENSIVE BUT WHATEVER THIS TIME?

Yes - [0] F1
No - [0] F2

*Biggles is kicked to steam since that's how the system works now*