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Boiling Oil Begone

Do you enjoy laying siege to walled settlements, but hate seeing your men getting deep fried? Perhaps you like defending your homestead from foreign invaders, but grovel in the fact that Ol’ Tom over at the boiling oil distillery gets all the credit for saving everyone. Well worry no longer, for we at BOB industries have the ultimate solution to all of your siege-related strifes.

Introducing Boiling Oil Begone, a revolutionary product that will offer you new and exciting ways to capture your desired villages, without having to senselessly sacrifice entire units doing so. Because if there’s anything we’ve learned from our 5 years of experience, is that defeating your enemies through tactical genius will always be more satisfying than turning them into human chimichangas.

- ANGRY RANTING
- WHAT THIS MOD DOES
- SHAMELESS PLUGGING

Alright, let’s get real here. While Thrones of Britannia is far away from a perfect installation in the franchise, I still believe that it has a lot of plus points which make it a valid entry in the series. Like critical hits for missile units which finally makes archers useful, the art style is great and very fitting for the time period, the redesigned settlements no longer make it a total nightmare to navigate your units through them, nobles are an actual threat to your campaign unless you keep them on their good side (as opposed to Attila, where you had to actively try to make them revolt), and the new recruitment system makes it less of a hassle to mop up smaller empires after you’ve defeated their one army, not to mention that recruiting units actually becomes a strategy in and out itself, since if you recruit everything that is available into one army, you might leave yourself vulnerable at another front. That said, it’s impossible to deny that this game has a lot of irritating faults, and one of those (which is the subject of today’s mod) is the fact that battering rams are almost entirely useless since even if you manage to break down the enemy’s gate, that still won’t stop them from turning half of your units going through into a charred mess.

This really is a bigger problem than is sounds, since it immediately puts you off from using 50% of the available siege engines, because what’s the point? One of them allows your units to immediately scale your enemies walls while being protected from missile fire, and the other allows you to break down a gate so that you may continue to merrily send half your units into a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ deep fryer. It’s completely pointless. It wouldn’t have been so bad if breaking the gates would also disable the boiling oil, (seeing how this would help incentivise the player to use rams for gates instead of axemen) but no, instead you have to create a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mosh pit in the middle in order to capture the gates, and then continue to question your life decisions when some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idiot in your army decides to start pouring oil on the enemy that is routing through it while your men are still standing there. Marvellous.

If the oil had been disabled after breaking or capturing the gates, or maybe if it had a limited number of uses, then it wouldn’t have been so bad, but as it stands, I find sieges to be a whole lot more enjoyable by simply turning this feature off altogether; and seeing how you’re reading this right now, I'm guessing you might agree on that sentiment.

Since boiling oil is technically a projectile, all this mod does is increase its reloading time to some obscene number (I lost count after 9 digits) which effectively disables the oil completely. They can reload all they want, but they ain't gonna have that ♥♥♥♥ ready until after the battle is over.

If you're worried about balance, keep in mind that this affects yourself as much as it does the AI. You'll be able to more effectively siege walled settlements, sure, but at the same time, you'll have a slightly harder time defending your own. Personally, I find it to be a pretty fair compromise.

You like what you see? Why not drop a like to solidify your appreciation. Not only does it make me feel better about myself, but if the mod manages to achieve enough ratings it could eventually spring up on the more popular modding boards, which in turn means more eyes will see it.

Help me, help you, make the ToB experience better for more people, eh?