Welcome to our guide. Please, enjoy your stay and have some tea and cookies.
First of all we'd like to say that this guide is written ONLY about russian IDIOTS, we dont say every russian player is bad. There are lots and lots of russians who play better than we do, and we have no claims to them. Also, as 3s23p6 said, " every family has its black sheep", so there are idiots in every nation, but we know much more about russian idiots and that's why this guide is written about them. And, I'd like to add, that "Russian idiot" is firstly idiot, not Russian, and it can be said about any nation, yes. It's like Hyena and Bear- both are carnivora, but we all know, that they're not the same.
Further we'll try to replace some "bad words" on good ones because this ♥♥♥♥ (<-----) censor keeps doing this with our writings and we dont know how to turn it off. So every time you'll see words "good, skilled, adequate, clever etc" quoted you should know what we mean, because there is nothing good in this guys (some mistakes in swearings we left are made on purpose).
There are tons of guides about every single hero, but there arent that many guides about types of players. We will consider one type of players: russian pr!cks. These differ from usual pr!cks, because they are the worst.
Russian talkings, "deliberate" moves, bad microphones, no manners, unpausing games, full damage builds. Tired of that? Here's a short summary of how to avoid your upcoming 40 minutes of hell.
If you see something like: "Я на мид, мне всё п0х, раки еб@ные, дниве", feel free to report this guy and leave. Don't try to chat with him, it can cause brain desease, really, don't even dare. The other thing you shouldnt do when your team is filled up with "valueable players" is trying to win the game. Its absolutely pointless and even if you do you wont get any satisfaction, because "professional gamers" will probably think you won because of their good playz. I also have to mention the fact they dont deserve wins, because if they get wins they become even more "adequate" and cocky. The only thing they deserve is eternal squirming in agony somewhere in hell. So, to cut a long story short, thats what you should do:
1) See the guy doing something like this
2) Butthurt a little bit
3) Press report button
4) Abandon the game

P.S. we should differ new players from idiots. New guys are rarely as agressive as idiots are, and all they need is just some advices. If they are clever they will listen to your advices, if not- they are idiots. (New players can also be idiots. Im talking about their behaviour).

Nickname is a main checkpoint in this game. Once the number of silly nicknames reached critical mass, you'll find yourself in one of those games, you'd never like to play.

So now I'll try to show you all types of silly russian nicknames, THEY use to show us how "clever" they are:

• Using words "Rak", "Dno"
  
• Using numbers 228, 14, 18, 88, 1337, 666 and any combination of them
  
• Using russian words like "НАГИБАТОР, ЕБАШЕР, ТАЩЕР"
  
• Using their date of birth (russian kids are 1000 times worse than russian olds)
  
• UsInG TiTlE LeTtErS LiKe ThIs
  
• Using lots of brackets ( )))))))))))) ) or lots of symbols like @, <>, * (or both)
  
• USING A LOT OF CAPS LIKE THAT

"Best" possible picks Tier
Pudge, Nevermore, Meepo, Bloodseeker, Zeus.
If you see one of this picks made by a russian "professional player" you can already look for a new game.

Tier 0
Safelane.
For an unknown reason every russian autist likes feeding with carries, no matter how many of them have you already got (to be perfectly honest most of times they instalock at the same second the pick stage starts). Yes, I said feeding and this is important part. They DO NOT, I repeat, they DO NOT PLAY carries, they feed with them. Thats why we call them "skilled". If you see a guy who picked Traxex right after your teammates locked 2 carries- that's definitely an idiot and you should follow the steps shown in chapter 1.
PL, PA, AM, Jugg, Traxex, Riki, Sniper, Void, Viper, Slark, Ursa, BH, Gyro, Troll warlord and carries already mentioned above.
As you see they suck with almost all carries.

Tier 1
Mid
Heroes like QoP, Invoker, TA. Why? Well, because they saw Dendi did that on streams. If he can do that, why can't they? I will say some more words about Dendi later on.

Tier 2
Hardlane
They dont go hardlane mostly, not untill its 2v2. Why? Because its hard, and they want to win easily. Remember: they only play heroes that dont require skill and snowball like hell (I dont mean this guy right here).

You will probably see SB, CK, Husk, Axe, Slardar, Leoric, NS, Naix, Kunkka picks.

I HAVENT HEARD ABOUT THAT HERO Tier
Supports.
Russian idiots don't support. Well, maybe a seldom cm or lina carry pick and that's it.

Lets talk about their behaviours. We will try to consider every possible way of behaviour.
At first lets talk about COMMUNICATION.
There are 3 possible options:
1) Muted or just silent russian idiot. Nothing to say. At least they don't talk.
2) Chatting. If they do, they will probably chat with you on russian, because their education is bad and they just dont know what you're saying. I can tell you their approximate words: they will probably say something like "Learn russian, you silly bourgeois", "I don't give a cluck", "Y no ss, noob", "My team is so bad" and etc. I'd recommend you to mute them ASAP.
3) Russian with a micro. These are the worst. As soon as they turn on their micro your ears will probably start bleeding, so once again I'd recommend you to mute them ASAP. Unfortunately I can't say what will they be talking about (no doubt they will be talking russian) because most "geniuses" have very cheap micro and very unintelligent voice of an old bom; and even I haven't got a single clue what are they talking about.
Now lets move to INGAME BEHAVIOUR.
If they die somewhere near you they will undoubtedly blame you. From now on menthally challenged people will try to spoil your game at all costs. They will push your lane, take your farm, hide your items somewhere in the jungle, corpseblock you, they wont be using any spells to save you and sometimes even feed on purpose.
If you are losing the game, they will blame you (other 4 members of your team).
If you are winning the game, they will behave themselfs like they carried you (other 4 members of your team).

Now let's talk about items every idiot is trying to build.
1) Lifestyle.

The best choise for every russian idiot is vlad's. It gives DAMAGE, lifesteal and it doesen't impose orb (most "advanced players" don't know what is it, but if they do, they will probably go vlad's). Also you can see MoM really often. Cheap attack speed with lifesteal. Good? NOT. (I'm not saying it's bad, but there is no need to build it on sniper or venge for example)
2) Invisibility. They will rush Lotar ASAP, I know what I'm saying. They freaking love it.
3) Aghanim's. OMG IT IMPROVES MY ULTI OMG OMG. A wish of getting stronk ulti comes to the ridiculous: from time to time I see people build aghanim for passive bonuses (there are some heroes aghanim aint working on, and its written on item description...But who are they to read? They came here to play, not to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ read!)
4) Tons of damn branches. They just overrate this +1 stat and they literally go insane buying that pieces of wood. I'm surprised how the shopkeeper keeps selling them this ♥♥♥♥♥.
5) CRITZCRITZCRITZ. You will probably see fast buriza incoming. They like damage.
6) Rapier. MOAR DAMAGEZ .
Ive lost too many games because idiots dropped their rapiers. As for me this is the worst outcome of the game.
7) Sange and Yasha. A little bit to almost every stat they want. Plus damage, movespeed and chance to maim as a nice sweets. I saw some guys rushing SaY even before boots ("it gives movespeed, no? No need boots, noob."- that's what he said).
8) Basher. GOT STUNS?

There are some items that are built by them very seldom, but still there is a little chance they will do it.
1) Here goes almost every active item (not counting BkB, Lotar, blink, bottle, salve and tango, arcane, diffusial and manta: these are too mainstream).
2) Bloodstone. High cost, no damages.

Now lets move to NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER items
1) Wards of any kind. You will NEVER see russian unskill warding a map (they think that whole team g2 support him, and he's not the person who should waste his money on something that doesn't give stats or damages)
2) Drums, mekansm, pipe. "I NO SUPPORT".

I got to say some words in total about people who build trash. Sometimes you see player's items and think: "Man, how bad is he? How did he come to the decision to build THAT trash?" I will try to explain. Most noobs buy ♥♥♥♥♥ just because they saw that on streams. For example, ghost scepter on zeus. They see zeus won@they build ghost scepter forever as a core item. Im not going to explain why almost every item in this game is situational and is good in one game and bad in another. You understand that, I also do. They dont.

We came to a part which tells us why most of them are so "good" (described their train of thoughts at the end of the previous chapter). Now, just to make things clear, I'd like to say that team listed here is really good, goddem they are professional players, and of course I don't even dare to flame or judge them. The thing I wanna say is that most russian idiots are led by example, and this expample is most certainly...

Natus Vincere. If you ask me to refine, I will say Dendi. Russians do not like Dendi playing games, they actually GLORY him by the all means of this word. Thats why they instalock pudge. Thats why they pick Invoker after you got Puck and stay duomid untill Puck goes somewhere else. Can't tell the reason they worship him so much, they just do. I mean, there are lots of other players no worse than Dendi. I guess the key factor is that Dendi actually an ukrainian. (Russia, Belarus, Ukraine. These three CIS countries are mostly the same thing, trust me, I know what Im saying).
Interesting fact: most of idiots dont even know the nicknames of the other players of Navi team.

You see these words used in chat @ you press report button. Simple as that.

• Рак, дно - Noob
  
• Еб@л твою мать, твоя мать шJ|юхa (J| is a Л (л) letter. Censor keeps covering this word)- Your mother is a good woman (you know what I mean. Phrase can vary, the only thing that you should know that words "мать, мама, мамаша, матушка" mean mother)
  
• Да п0xyй мне! - I dont give a cluck
  
• Буржуй, гук, чурка, америкос, американец - Foreigner
  
• Cyк@ - Beetch
  
• Мид - Mid
  
• Вард - Ward
  
• Репорт - Report
  
• )))))))) - :) Basically this is the one of the main clues that will help you to differ russian player from eu player. Most russians dont use completed smiles like this ":)", they just spam with brackets like that "))))". The more brackets they use- the stupider they are. 1 or 2 is fine though.
  
• Команда - Team
  
• Тащy, затащу, закеррю - Carry ("I will carry my team" for example, that meaning.)
  
• С0сать, фидить - To suck, to feed
  
• Пид0р - ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
  
• Бомбануло, напекло, припекло, пригорело - Butthurt

Of course, I can't list all the words russian idiot can use (even though their vocabulary is poor), but these words are used by them in 90% of cases.

I met some odd guys saying funny phrases when I was playing dota. Not that much, but I want to show you everything I've got that far. I can't give you the exact translation of their words, but I will try to make a closest shot.


"Ffs. Speak russian, beatch". 4 russian words, 4 mistakes. He wasnt talking russian either.


PIDOR means "♥♥♥♥♥♥♥". Funneh.


"I hate russians ^_^". Written in russian. By a russian. Heh.


"Not paying attention to a foreign barbarian"


"Let's fight 1v1 on a river, stop walking together like a ♥♥♥♥♥♥. But no ults!"

This guide was made by me and my friend just for our and your fun, it wasnt made to hurt somebody's feelings and we are sorry if we did. If you got any suggestions or comments, just let us know, but be constructive, please. Also we dont accept comments from idiots :D (jk). Hope you spent your time having some fun like we did when we were working on this guide.
Best regards, Preq, Skittles.
Edited by Natefox (Many thanks).
UPD Also I met one guy who decided to make his own dictionary, you totally should check it out.
Click me!
UPD One good russian guy translated our guide on our native language: russian. We were recieving a lot of comments from people who wanted to read it on russian, so, here you go! Dont forget to thank him for the awesome work he did. Cheers!
Идиоты. Идиоты повсюду.[dota2.ru]
UPD V is for Vilat - Twitter
UPD And dont forget to Think positive
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Один из русских доброжелателей перевел гайд на наш родной язык: русский. К нам поступало много просьб от игроков, которые хотели прочитать гайд на русском, так что вот ваш шанс! Не забудьте поблагодарить этого парня за отличную работу, которую он проделал! Удачи!
Идиоты. Идиоты повсюду.[dota2.ru]