EX ESEA PLAYER, deleted my account
https://www.faceit.com/en/players/Lowwwz
“Every person’s heart has pain, but they express that pain in different ways. Some will hide it in their eyes, while others will hide it in their smile.”
Accept what you are feeling, that's the best you can do. Don't reject the pain. The harder you try to reject, the more it will hurt you. Let it in and notice how it feels. Only to get to know how to beat it eventually. Some will take a day, some will take ten years. Maybe it will never even go away completely.