Beautiful Necktie: I only ever wanted you to have fun, Harry!
You: Wait!!! I didn't even know your name!
Beautiful Necktie: My name, should you know it, is Joopson AS Men's Fashion, model "Colourful Tie." Catalogue no. J327.
You: I know so little about you. How did we meet?
Beautiful Necktie: One day a sad man walked into a clothing store. He looked really down. Like he hadn't had fun in years. He needed someone to show him how to rock and roll again. Joopson AS catalogue no. J327 shone on the tie rack, trying to get his attention. The sad man picked it up and put it on. He looked at himself in the mirror. Didn't smile.
You: Nothing will ever heal me, but at least I'll have a funny tie.
Beautiful Necktie: And from that moment on — we rode together. The rest of your clothes were still *normal* back then. But we took care of that soon enough.
You: Did we... have any fun?
Beautiful Necktie: Truthfully? Not a lot. I did everything a multi-patterned necktie can do to help a man. I mean, I tried to get you to do *all* the fun things: Drink beer, drink wine, drink cider, go to parties with young people around *and* drink beer and cider; do drugs too, so you don't fall asleep... You had *some* fun. But not enough to heal you.
You: What is wrong with me?
Beautiful Necktie: Your heart is broken, *bratushka*. And it cannot be mended. Believe me, I've tried.
You: Am I going to stay like this forever?
Beautiful Necktie: No. You're going to be mowed down by gunfire from the two remaining mercs, so no. Not forever.
You: Who broke my heart?
Beautiful Necktie: You both did, *bratan* — deep down, you know it was the both of you.