STOP PLAYING SLAPSHOT

Steps up to mic, straightens tie, clears throat, taps mic.
"This thing on?"
Murmurs of assent.
Clears throat again.
"HI PEOPLE."
The crowd excitedly begins to talk amongst themselves, many holding bated breath.
"YOU HAVE..."
A hush falls over the crowd, rapt attention held.
"MY LOVE AND SUPPORT."
Suddenly, the crowd goes wild, screaming their praise, demanding awards, running over each other to hug a loved one. Whistles of elation are heard and many are seen sobbing. World peace is enacted in acknowledgement to this monumental speech that knit the world together.