-rep he divorced me

Found a gold sovereign while this guy was watching once. Out of nowhere this triggered a deranged rant about being rich from "rock and stone" or something. He proceeded to draw a sword on me and demand I hand it over "For Karl".

If it wasn't for my trusty chalice of orphan tears being able to parry his initial blow I'd no doubt have been served from the local kebab store already; my escape spurred on a frenzied warning about "the machine" and "distinguished gentlemen shaking they booty cheeks". Every night I hear him cry in the distance:

"I got new forgis on my jeep".

Meanwhile, my attempts to escape to Harlem, NY are inexplicably sabotaged despite constant CCTV surveillance in my area. I've already thrown the coin away but everything keeps happening.

I fear my days on this Earth are limited. Buying that time is a constant struggle.

-rep this man WILL KILL YOU.

Eats babies and refuses to apologise