Joe Swanson Quotes
I never picked up an illegal alien from Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touch myself. - Joe Swanson

Permalink: Love is a powerful compass.
Added: March 13, 2016
I brought construction paper and markers in case you guys wanted to draw breasts.

Permalink: I brought construction paper and markers in case you guys wanted to draw breasts.
Added: March 06, 2016
Joe: Public opinion has shifted, and the boys upstairs said they can no longer ignore it.
Peter: Who the hell are the boys upstairs?

Permalink: Who the hell are the boys upstairs?
Added: December 13, 2015
You don't have to win to have fun.

Permalink: You don't have to win to have fun.
Added: November 22, 2015
Peter, face it. Without Quagmire, we're boring.

Permalink: Peter, face it. Without Quagmire, we're boring.
Added: November 22, 2015
You want me to be the one who says "Giggity" now?

Permalink: You want me to be the one who says "Giggity" now?
Added: November 22, 2015
Well, dad, I can tell you from experience, it's only wen you worst fears come true that you get to find out how strong you really are.

Permalink: Well, dad, I can tell you from experience, it's only wen you worst fears come true that you...
Added: October 04, 2015
One day a rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.

Permalink: One day a rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.
Added: February 15, 2015
Joe: Sex is overrated.
Peter: Stay out of this Joe.

Permalink: Stay out of this Joe.
Added: December 08, 2014
Joe: I'll take smelling good over walking good any day.
Bonnie: You don't smell good, Joe.
Joe: I'm sorry, I thought I was alone.

Permalink: I'm sorry, I thought I was alone.
Added: May 04, 2014
Tim Gunn: Joe, this is Tim Gunn. I agree with your friends.
Joe: I gotta get that guy out of my head.

Permalink: Joe, this is Tim Gunn. I agree with your friends. I gotta get ...
Added: May 06, 2013
Peter: We're going nowhere! This bar belongs to us! Ice cream truck! [runs off]
Joe: You didn't get any ice cream?
Peter: The ice cream man was handsome and I got nervous!

Permalink: We're going nowhere! This bar belongs to us! Ice cream truck! ...
Added: May 06, 2013
Joe: Here you go guys, first time in a while I've had wood in my lap.
Quagmire: Are we supposed to laugh at that? Because it's upsetting.

Permalink: Here you go guys, first time in a while I've had wood in my lap....
Added: April 29, 2013
Peter: You know, we saved so much trouble not flying commercial I think we came out ahead.
Joe: Sure. Drive right up to the plane.
Peter: Exactly. If we went to Logan, that plane wouldn't crash for another hour at least. [plane crashes behind him] Oh, they made pretty good time!

Permalink: You know, we saved so much trouble not flying commercial I think...
Added: April 29, 2013
Joe: You speak French?
Quagmire: Sure, they love me in France!