Playtime past 2 weeks:
0h

View global achievement stats
You must be logged in to compare these stats to your own
44 of 89 (49%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2022 @ 11:51pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 12:15am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2022 @ 11:57pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2022 @ 11:48pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 12:24am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 1:13pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 17 Aug, 2022 @ 10:06am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 27 Aug, 2023 @ 3:07pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 29 Aug, 2023 @ 5:41am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 12:20am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 28 Aug, 2023 @ 11:14am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 27 Aug, 2023 @ 2:40pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 11 Aug @ 3:26am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 17 Aug, 2022 @ 9:46am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 29 Aug, 2023 @ 4:38am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 29 Aug, 2023 @ 4:47am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 12:50am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2022 @ 11:47pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 18 Aug, 2022 @ 12:11am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 11:24pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 28 Aug, 2023 @ 4:42am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 23 Sep, 2023 @ 12:53am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 17 Aug, 2022 @ 11:43pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 20 Jul, 2023 @ 1:57am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2022 @ 11:15pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 28 Aug, 2023 @ 4:41am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 30 Jun @ 2:20am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 29 Aug, 2023 @ 4:32am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2022 @ 11:21pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 12:41am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 12:44am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2022 @ 11:16pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 12:13am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 1:56am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 12:40am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 18 Aug, 2022 @ 12:00am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 29 Aug, 2023 @ 4:32am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 30 Jun @ 11:51pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 17 Aug, 2022 @ 11:54pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 11 Aug @ 3:57am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 19 Sep @ 2:23pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 3 Aug @ 3:06am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 20 Jul, 2023 @ 1:54am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2022 @ 1:12pm



Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
12 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
7 / 30

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
0 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
24 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
17 / 30

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
1 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 20

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
50 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
6 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+12

12 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked