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54 of 89 (61%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 6 May, 2017 @ 4:37am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 27 May, 2017 @ 9:36pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 27 May, 2017 @ 9:42pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 20 May, 2024 @ 2:37pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 27 May, 2017 @ 8:55pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 10:09am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 3 Jun, 2020 @ 2:02am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 4 Nov, 2023 @ 6:29pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2024 @ 1:40am

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 31 Jan, 2024 @ 7:13am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 11:11am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 20 May, 2024 @ 2:37pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 4 Nov, 2023 @ 4:40pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 16 Apr, 2020 @ 7:22am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 26 Jan, 2024 @ 12:34pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 10:23am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 28 May, 2017 @ 12:13am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 10:41am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 1 Feb, 2024 @ 4:27am

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 20 May, 2024 @ 2:37pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 16 Feb, 2024 @ 4:18am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 18 Feb, 2024 @ 7:12am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 6 May, 2017 @ 5:11am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 9:19am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 18 Feb, 2024 @ 4:54am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 2 Mar, 2024 @ 1:50am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 27 May, 2017 @ 9:56pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 2 Jun, 2020 @ 10:11am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 28 May, 2017 @ 12:37am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 15 Jul, 2017 @ 10:56am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 28 May, 2017 @ 12:30am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 6 May, 2017 @ 4:56am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 27 Jan, 2024 @ 12:39am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2024 @ 6:42am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 27 Jan, 2024 @ 3:21am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 18 Feb, 2024 @ 3:17am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 20 May, 2024 @ 2:37pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 20 May, 2024 @ 2:37pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 3 Jun, 2020 @ 2:08am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 4 Nov, 2023 @ 3:17pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 31 Jan, 2024 @ 5:36am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2024 @ 11:53pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 16 Feb, 2024 @ 4:25am

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 17 Feb, 2024 @ 11:04am

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 31 Jan, 2024 @ 3:23am

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 2:53am

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2024 @ 4:22am

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 8 Feb, 2024 @ 11:35am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 8 Feb, 2024 @ 5:43am

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 12 Mar, 2024 @ 11:55am

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2024 @ 12:11pm

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 5:27am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2024 @ 6:21am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 20 May, 2024 @ 2:37pm



Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
24 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
26 / 30

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
0 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
20 / 30

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
22 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
2 / 20

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+6

6 hidden achievements remaining

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