I fap when I get a 1% discount on ♥♥♥♥..............

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The listing follows

- 1x Monster Horse ♥♥♥♥♥ (12') $89.99
- 1x Ultra HD Backdoor Sluts 9 $12.99
- 6x Magnum condoms (Extra Small) $24.45
- 5x Bananas $7.00
- 5x Cucumbers $4.00
- 1x FeelsLikeBlood Lube Bottle 750ml $19.99
- 1x Next day shipping $45.00
- 1x Frequent Shopper Discount (15%)

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aahhahahahahaha

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier

Signed by Hirroz