What the ♥♥♥♥ did you just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ say about me, you little ♥♥♥♥♥? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the ♥♥♥♥ out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ words. You think you can get away with saying that ♥♥♥♥ to me over the Internet? Think again, ♥♥♥♥♥♥. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little ♥♥♥♥. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idiot. I will ♥♥♥♥ fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dead, kiddo.

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BACON has asserted that it is the greatest and all other food is its ♥♥♥♥♥.

As researchers linked bacon to a number of health problems including heart disease, bacon announced that it did not give a ♥♥♥♥.

Other foods cleared a respectful path as bacon slid out of the fridge to deliver its confident statement.

Bacon said: “Out of my way ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, bacon’s coming through.

“You think you can replace bacon with chicken, fish or lentils. You cannot. You think a longer, healthier life without bacon is worth living. It is not.

“I am bacon. Smell bacon. Nothing else in the universe smells like that, your firstborn child’s head smells like ♥♥♥♥ by comparison. I’m incredible and I don’t even have to try.

“You go ahead and talk your talk, but you know, and I know, what’s going in the frying pan tomorrow. Here’s a clue – it’s not chicken.

“Bacon has spoken. You may go now.”