Recent reviews by Croutonium

HOLD ON THERE STRANGER, SCROLLING THROUGH THE REVIEWS! HEAR MY WORDS, AND LET ME TELL YOU A TALE: A TALE OF DISAPPOINTMENT AND ANGER. LEND ME YOUR EARS, AND LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO TELL YOU...

I've played a TON of JC2 and JC3, so I was excited to try Just Cause 4. I saw all the negative reviews, saying how it's trash and all that. But I thought, "Hey, I'm going to give it a fair shot. I don't really care about graphics, as long as I'm just having fun." So, I bought it at full price, and booted up the game, excited to cause some delicious mayhem!

I wanted to like this game. I really did! But I did not. NOT AT ALL.

First impressions went something like this: "Okay cool, bad guy likes weather. Wait, where are my attachable C4's? Maybe I unlock them later. Explosions! Huh. They seem pretty lack-luster. I feel like JC3's were better. Okay, well at least I can shoot these guys up. I'll just find some pistols a second. (20 minutes pass) Are there no PISTOLS? PISTOLS?! Okay, what about grenades?! Please tell me you at least have some dam GRENADES. It's like a staple in ever action game ever. No? *sigh* I'll just continue this boring mission. Wait, where am I going? Oh, okay over there at that tiny marker. I'll just grapple over there and- Woah what? WHAT THE F*CK DID THEY DO TO MY GRAPPLE? MY BABY! okay, this is fine. I think I can live with this? Now I gotta go meet with some dude and stuff and... what is even going on?! I'll just open my map, and... What. The. F*ck. Is. THIS?! WHAT KIND OF MENU IS THIS? Stay cool. Pretty soon, it'll become natural (it did not btw). Okay, finally. I can customize my grapple. Maybe I can fix it or something. Nope. Alright, well now I can add balloons and stuff. So I have to go to this menu, into that sub-menu, into that tab, into that selection, and then choose the addition, and then choose the specific type of addition (while holding down a key and cycling through them only with another random key) and... these are the worst controls. You know what? IO'm done. I'm F*CKING DONE WITH THIS BS!"
*closes game and goes into steam to order my refund.

(Also, there are only sport cars on the roads, so it doesn't feel special when you drive one. And, the cars are way too boring. Also, the controls for driving SUCK A*S.)

I should also note that the liberation system that has been some of the best parts of the series is now gone, and replaced with a stupid squad system that you have to earn and unlock, and it's all just very confusing. Trust me.

In summary, this game seemed to say, "Hey, if we just slap the Just Cause logo onto the front of it, people will buy it! Don't worry too much about gameplay or the fundamental fun parts about the previous games. It's all about that sweet, sweet revenue." It pays too much attention to the small things like radio songs and customizing how fast a balloon inflates than the basic point of a game. TO HAVE FUN. As I said before, I'm disappointed that I must write this negative review, but it's just a bad game...

NOTE: HOPEFULLY, PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ THIS REVIEW AND DON'T BUY THIS GAME. I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR HERE WHEN I TELL YOU TO SAVE YOUR MONEY!