a very wise man once told me "a foolish man complains of his torn pocket, a wise man uses the hole to scratch his balls."

Dear mr landlord

I've been hearing this thing, creature even.
I hear it under my floor every night followed with some weird metallic sounds as if it's here to steal the copper from my cables. It's been scrapping away at them little by little for the past three weeks, I believe this to be the case because when it happens the porn I am watching stops buffering briefly, I am scared to check under the house inside that dreaded crawl space in fear of this whole debacle being an attempt to lure me in.

[EDIT]
If you are reading this I believe it is already far too late, I cannot take it any longer and I will check my precious Ethernet cables in the hopes I can finally see my beloved anime waifu once more.

DO NOT FIND MY BODY!
[EDIT]

Sincerely,
Quandale Dingle

What the ♥♥♥♥ are these fa=gots talking about in here, anyways cool guy.

-rep bad at csgo

-rep likes to camp in video games

Sorry, I clicked on your profile because your PFP made me think there might be porn.
I see now that there isn't any. You seem pretty cool, but now I'm horny and leaving.