Sometimes I tell my friends I have a date for the evening, but really I just sit home looking at my butthole in the bathroom mirror, blowing it kisses and flexing my rectal muscles so it winks back at me. We've spent so much time together I've named him Tucker The Pucker. It was during one of our "dates" that my chubby, little gooch started to get jealous of my sleek, masculine ♥♥♥♥-winker. It's a complicated relationship, you guys. Also, I couldn't help but notice how relatively close my nuts were to my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Which made me start thinking, how do I not get ♥♥♥♥ on my nuts when I wipe my ass?