I dont smurf. Spoiler alert: I just cheat!




Once upon a time there was a young girl named ivan . ivan was 11 years old and lived in Ivanishchi, Vladimir. While walking home from da hood one day, a black turtle jumped out from behind ur mom and tackled ivan to the ground. But just when she was about to let out a scream for help, ivan realized that the black turtle was only really ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ high, and not trying to rape her. At that moment, ivan decided to keep the black turtle as a pet. And on the way home she decided to name her pet black turtle ''putin.''

When ivan and her new pet finally got home, guess who was standing on the front porch? That's right, it was ivan 's mother, Obama. And boi was she surprised to see a black turtle following ivan into the yard! ''What in world is that?'' shouted Obama. ''It's a black turtle,'' answered ivan . ''Dah, I can see that, u piece a ♥♥♥♥ ivan , but what on earth is it doing here?'' said Obama. ''It's my new pet!'' answered ivan . ''Oh you think so do you?'' remarked Obama. ''I wouldn't get your hopes up. You know how your father hates black things. But, well, I suppose you can keep him until your father comes home.'' And with that ivan grabbed putin by the neck (half way strangeling him) and led her new pet into the house--even though she knew her father was probably going to dissaprove.

Once in the house, ivan and putin snorted and snorted. ''Dora the Explorer,'' started. At that point ivan forgot all about putin having an unsupervised run of the house. That is until half way through ''Dora the Explorer,'' when ivan was brought back to reality when she heard her father shout, ''stopid!! ivan ! Get your ass into the meth lab!'' With that ivan rushed into the meth lab to see what all the fuss was about. When she entered the meth lab, there stood her father, Obama, pointing toward the meth stash Then, as ivan followed her father's finger to where it was pointing, she instantly knew what her father was so upset about. There, in the middle of the meth lab was a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ black turtle. ''I don't EVEN want to know how that got there,'' said Obama. ''But you had better get that nasty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ black piece of ♥♥♥♥ out of my house, cuz that is totaly haram! And you had better kill that little ♥♥♥♥♥. Well, knowing her father as well as she did, ivan knew there was no sense even asking her father if she could keep putin for a pet.

So without hesitation, ivan set out to kills putin. After a few minutes of looking, ivan discovered putin crouched beneath the table that ivan did her cooking meth on. ''Come on, putin, it's time to hang you. And hey, don't look at me that way, I'm not the the black one!'' scolded ivan . ''Thanks to you I'll never get to have my own black slave!! And with that ivan led putin out of the house and down to the local Tesco.

So after saying good-bye to putin, and thanking the owner of Tesco, ivan walked backed home and attempted to dround her sorrows by slamming down a half bag liquid cocain.

Based on a true story
Directed By: kim jong un
Realse Date: 14.08.15 (02:04)