I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.

You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Men at 26 plays football,Men at 40 plays tennis,Men at 60 plays golf,have you noticed every time you get older your ball gets smaller.

I predict that in the future, Youtube,Twitter, and Facebook will merge to create one super time-wasting site called YouTwitFace.

The clear history button in your browser has saved more lives than Superman.

I bet earth makes fun of the other planets for having no life.

Oh no! Playstation and Xbox online services are down! Someone call an ambulance! Wii U Wii U Wii U.

Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months? -- The box said 2-4 years!

What do you call a bear with no teeth? -- A gummy bear!

What is the name of the most popular fast food restaurant in the Middle East?
The Allahu Snack-bar.
The flavours are explosive, and the taste is to die for.

I once farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

My mom never saw the irony in calling me a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? -- She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills!

I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man? Nothing. They both think they know everything.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea; does that mean that one enjoys it?

Doctor: You're overweight. Patient: I think I want a second opinion. Doctor: You're also ugly.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too.

For anyone who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

Why can't an idiot dial 911? -- He can't find the 11 on the phone!

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?

What do you call a white man who can dance? Gay.

What the gay said to the guy? Deez nutss.

Gay jokes are never funny. ♥♥♥ on guys!

If somebody say a joke to me, I straight up split their wig, I'm all about business. One time I remembered something funny, made myself laugh, ended up busting my own cheeks.

I Think For You,You Think For Me :D
THANKS FOR READING :D
BTW IT'S IN BETA ¯\_(ツ)_/¯