Metal Gear games be like: "Alright, Shadow Snake, this is Operation: Indigo Heaven. Your objective is to infiltrate the Panamanian Cruciform Company headquarters and destroy their fleet of intercontinental AC!D nukes. You will have no equipment or clothing. Also, we surgically implanted a steel rod in your spine that will fire a missile into your brain and kill you if you exceed more than 13ft above sea level. And by the way, have you seen the hit movie, "Umfeld"? It's an experimental German film with all sorts of sounds and visuals that some might consider "epileptic" or "harsh", but I find it quite poetic. Anyway, in 1943, a Chinese paramilitary group named "Chimera Prosperity" discovered a fallen angel chained to a long-dead goliath skeleton in North Mongolia! Bregory "The Doom Bolt" Seahawk tried finding the fallen angel in 1961 but was ripped apart by an unknown monster before he could reach Asia. Several years later, he was rebuilt in an Antarctic Godlab with Nanomachines. He is now currently the leader of the Panamanian Cruciform Company, your target. Locate and destroy him in any way you can find. If you fail, I will kill your dog. Good luck, and remember: 'Don't give a horse too many compliments'. Operation: Indigo Heaven is a GO!"

Let’s go, open up, it’s time for parkour.

Alright, time for my mandatory parkour check, sighs let’s get this over with.

door opens You’re late, you know the deal, you can do the one block jump for the raw chicken, or you can attempt the one block vertical jump for the beef.

Here in Parkour Civilization, no one chooses to jump for the beef. It’s better to be safe and do the one block jump for the chicken rather than risk your entire life for just half a hunger bar more.

Tomorrow, you better not be late, or you’ll be doing 2-block jumps as punishment.

Yes Sir, sorry, I won’t be late next time. Down here, us Parkour Noobs only get fed once a day. One piece of raw chicken is just enough to get you to the next day. But, that’s the life of Parkour Civilization. If you want to survive, you have to parkour. Every Parkour Noob has the same goal, and that’s to make it to the top layer where all the Parkour Pros live, except most Parkour Pros are born on the top layer. If you’re a Parkour Noob, there’s only one way up, and that is through the Temple of Parkour. The Temple of Parkour is the only structure in the world that combines the bottom layer to the top layer. To make it up, you have to do an impossibly hard parkour course that no parkour noob has ever completed, and thats assuming you even get the chance to complete the course. The inside of the temple is protected by a barrier, and the only way a Parkour Noob gets past the barrier is if they’ve earned a ticket. I’ve never even tried getting a ticket before, but if I’m going to rank up to a Parkour Pro one day, I’m going to have to. In my neighborhood, pretty much everyone has fallen into the Void and died, except for the guy who lives right next to me. He’s been my neighbour for five years! neighbour attempts the vertical jump for the beef and falls into the void vine boom NO! WHY DID HE TRY GOING FOR THE BEEF!?!?!? Well, I guess I have to change my statement; I now live in this neighbourhood alone. In Parkour Civilization, only Parkour Pros are allowed to break or place blocks. For Parkour Noobs, it’s strictly prohibited, and unfortunately, I found that out the hard way. A while ago, I was searching around and I somehow stumbled upon an oak log. No one has seen an oak log in years since trees don’t exist in Parkour Civilization, so I had to try to take it.

“Stop right now!”

Oh no, I’m done for.

You really thought you could break that without me noticing? What, were you going to try to cheat parkour?

No, Sir, I didn’t try to cheat. I just thought it would be super rare and I wanted to collect it.

Stop talking, give me two jumps now.

Two jumps in a row!? Okay, sorry Sir, I’ll do it right now.

You know what? You seem a little too happy about two; let’s make it three.

O-okay, I’ll do three.

You know what? Now let’s make it four jumps in a row.

Ah, four in a row?? Come on. does his punishment while talking In Parkour Civilization, it should be no surprise that all punishments were just more forms of parkour, and that was the last time I ever tried breaking a block.

You’re lucky you got a light punishment. Don’t forget, you’re at the bottom, so follow the rules.

It’s safe to say that if you’re at the bottom level of Parkour Civilization, it’s not exactly the best.