Hey curdle at the end of this year I will have graduated with two degrees one of which with honours, I have been encouraged to apply for an international scholarship at Oxford the likes of which bob hawke and tony abbot were in, further to this I also have a grad job, so on the topic of not having ♥♥♥♥ed a chick am I embarrassed? Not really. So what the ♥♥♥♥ have you achieved with your life son?

I caught this guy ♥♥♥♥ing my girlfriend last week. I’m still ♥♥♥♥♥♥ about it but there’s nothing I can do. She loves him. I knew she was acting weird because she kept staying out late and coming home with taco sauce on her blouse. During sex she’d scream to give her my five dollar foot long, but I’m only 3 inches and five dollars is way too much for what I’m giving. One day I came home to find her getting plowed against the wall by this dude. He had her hair in one hand and a taco bell cheesy gordita crunch in the other. I tried to fight him, but he slapped me so hard it broke every window in the house. This dude’s a stone cold pimp and I can’t do anything to hurt him, so I can only hope he breaks her heart one day like she broke mine.