Recent reviews by Haircut

He's dead, Jim.

Be me for a minute:

>Start up
>Build yo kingdom for a few days
>Be content and go out exploring
>Run across a portal
>Lose the crown
>Lose the game
>Restart
>Build your kingom, but better
>Mass recruit archers
>Find a mysterious etching but ignore it even though it unlocks stone fortifications
>Survive until after day 20
>Get destroyed by one Breeder
>Lose the crown
>Lose the game
>Restart
>Build your kingom, but much better
>Mass recruit everything but farmers
>Go into the forest in search of the Stone Fortifications etching
>Find it and activate it
>Get destroyed by two breeders
>Struggle to find the survivors at day break
>Go into economical depression
>Rebuild
>Get destroyed by three breeders and a floater
>Rage quit


10/10
I love this game.

PROs:
A nice time killer
Great narrative, set mainly during The Great War
Has multiple main stories
Create your own decks of cards! (Mines the Outcast Legion)
Challenging, no fight is a cakewalk. AI will pull very heavy ♥♥♥♥ moves in battle, and if you don't get a flow of good cards, then you're screwed
Cutscenes are pretty cool (although, why every Daedra worshipper shambles like zombies with genital herpes is beyond me...)
Voice acting is very good
Has multiple choices within the game that can reshape history (Think Dragon Age or Mass Effect), and most are very difficult to make, requiring you to think very carefully on what you want to do.

CONs:
Microtransactions
You have to buy the other stories in the game
Main story is extremely short.

7/10
"We're looking for a rogue Blade that matches your description!"
"There must be some sort of misunderstanding..."
"What kind of misunderstanding?"
"The kind where you thought we'd come quietly!"

First five minutes in I heard this:

"♥♥♥♥ you you little ♥♥♥♥♥!"
"♥♥♥♥ me? ♥♥♥♥ you N----!"
"Go ♥♥♥♥ yourself, you trash at this game now ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ uninstall it!"
"Suck my ass, suck my ass, suck my ass."
"You gay as ♥♥♥♥ little ♥♥♥♥."
"♥♥♥♥ you, prick."


There was also other people on the mic. Most of them laughing and rooting for different sides.... and there was also the sound of a person giving birth through their ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

PROS:
Awards you The Black Rose knife for TF2 after completing your first PVP match
Gameplay doesn't require beefy computer

CONS:
Bad graphics
Installs a virus on your computer
Very little player population

0/10
What would you doOOOOoo for a Black Rose knife?

I can't really do a PRO and CON review for this game since i've only played thirty three minutes. But, this game... I've played half the tutorial and I just can't say I like it. In fact, i'm refunding it as I speak. Its just too complicated for my tastes. But i'm not going to give it a negative review. I mean, this game has a lot of good qualities and content... I just can't morally make it a negative review.

Anyways, the game is obviously a RTS. I know plenty of people who don't like RTS style games, but this one should please those who do like them. Its got all the bases covered in an RTS and its Star Wars! So that's also a plus. And its DLC is sure to take more hours off of your life. But, like I said, its a complicated game. You'll learn that when you play its tutorial.

In the end, this game can please you, or it wont. It didn't please me, but that's my problem. If you enjoy complicated RTS style gameplay and if you enjoy the original Star Wars trilogy then this game is for you.... but buy it when its on sale..

How about this? Ill reword this whole review because you guys got too butthurt. Someones gonna get butthurt regardless but whatever.

The game is an unpolished gem, a basic UI, and its Early Access. Lots of a bugs. I mean, that it is to be expected, no? But these can be fixed with a handy report bug button.

Still, I would wait until its done. Its still got many problems. Like nothing telling you how to open you're inventory or how to ready you're fists or weapon or whatever. I encountered some bugs, but they too were insignificant and i'm sure if I spent more time on it then I would have encountered some that should be reported. But it has potential. Great potential actually, especially with this rumored update of kingdom wars. But still, save your money. Wait until its done. Its better to wait on the sideline with a bored expression then invest and lose it all.

PROs:
Great Graphics
Open World
Unlimited Possibilities (Make your own story fo' ♥♥♥♥♥ sake!)
Great DLCs
Great community
Pause gameplay with one household and switch to another
Woohoo <3
Too many PROs to list. Take my word for it.

CONs:
Remember to save often.
EA
Overpriced DLCs (20$ just to have pets? 20$ just to have snow and rain? ♥♥♥♥ that ♥♥♥♥ bruh)

9/10
Debly congeroy!.... Bapa verbi?

PROs:
Nice time killer
Funny moments to be had, especially with friends
OK graphics
OK backstory
Cheap

CONs:
Dead community

8/10
*mumbles incoherently*

PROs:
Realistic Graphics (Way better than Empire Total War, and Empire Total War came after this)
Unlike Empire Total War, enemies have Hitpoints and don't fully rely on skill. Numbers also matter this time.
Nice Religious mechanics
Crusades
Jihads
Funny cutscenes (EX: Assassin drops a snake and it chases a rat and he chases after the snake.)
Able to play as Scotland
Be an English dog and make allies with France (and then get betrayed)
Thrilling siege battles
Its also a thrill to watch large ass mosh pits full of spearmen and swordsmen constantly hacking at each other
Many factions to play as
Many units to command

CONs:
No naval gameplay

10/10
Send your representative the swing!