You don't know what you're missing.


Did you know that a piranha can devour a small child down to the bone in less than 30 seconds?
Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium.


What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance floor have in common?
No ballroom.


I asked my girlfriend if i was the only one she had been with. She said "Yes, the others were nines and tens".


Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Give a man a carbon fiber submarine and you feed him for the rest of his life.


What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open?
Brought it back for a refund.


Why cant orphans play baseball?
They dont know where home is.


Why dont blind people skydive?
It scares the dog.


What do they do at the teddy bear factory?
Stuff.


I was made to walk the plank as a kid...
We couldnt afford a dog.


I bought a clock from Afghanistan.
It started counting backwards.