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United States 
is
gay
After going to the doctors to get checked out, I was told that I had a brain tumor, and the cause was this music and how it had given me 'Brain Musicstasis'. I got prescribed some pills that I'm sure will make me grow 10 more testicles. After a week of taking this medicine, I suddenly realized that not only had I grown 10 extra testicles, my penis was now a laser cannon. I waited until evening, and as soon as the sun went down, I went outside into my garden. I shot my new laser cannon penis into the sky, and to my surprise, a Communist bear with a strong Russian accent descended upon me from what looked like a penis shaped spaceship. He took me into the ship and told me how I was the prophecy and how I was going to win the Communist bears the Great Space War