I sexually identify as an Easy-Bake Oven. Ever since I was a girl I dreamed of being able to cook cupcakes and be an oven. People say to me that being an Easy-Bake Oven is impossible and I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don’t give a ♥♥♥♥, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install steel baking pans on my body. From now on I want you to call me “He, He Man Easy-Bake Oven” and respect my right to bake food with my body. If you can’t accept me you’re an Easy-Bakephobe and need to check your cooking privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.


“Now I will tell you the answer to my question. It is this. The Oven Party seeks power entirely for its own sake. We are not interested in the good of others; we are interested solely in power, pure baking power. What pure power means you will understand presently. We are different from the oligarchies of the past in that we know what we are doing. All the others, even those who resembled ourselves, were cowards and hypocrites. The German Nazis and the Russian Communists came very close to us. We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. Power is not a means; it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Cupcakes are cupcakes. Now you begin to understand me.”