Let's hit some CS!

𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒶 𝑔𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓀𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓎 𝓈𝒶𝒻𝑒

↕ The
🐠 ☂ scene:
💛🍆 ✪ in
🌳🌏⚡ ✲ a
💃💚🥒🍆 ☼ vast,
🍖📀👽💙😺 ♂ painted
👹🐠⛳🐝🕺🥗 ∞ desert, a cowboy faces his horse. Cowboy: "Well, you've been a pretty good hoss, I guess. Hardworkin'. Not the fastest critter I ever come acrost, but..." Horse: "No, stupid, not feed*back*. I said I wanted a feed*bag*.

-rep

I thought to myself the other day: What could be more wholesome than teaching my 9-year-old son how to simulate a gruesome medieval battle on a chessboard?

Well, as it turned out, I actually took the time to read through the rules, and I have to say the level of debauchery in this game is simply disgusting. From phallic bishops to subservient kings that express a pro-feminist agenda, it's utterly shameful. Then there is the talk of smothered mating and pawn advancement. This has BDSM undertones that makes me very uncomfortable. Also, I'm really uncomfortable that a black king can be mated by a white queen. What if my own son cucks me in a game? I can only take so much humiliation.

Anyway, I'm calling for a ban on chess. Let's track down the creator and have them arrested on charges of obscenity. Who's with me?

The most recent incident was last night. I dreamt I was at a family barbecue with the Obamas, just his family and mine. He was manning the grill and i was speaking to Michelle while the children played with each other (I know Sasha and Malia are adults now but I still think of them as children) I said to Michelle very politely "excuse me for one moment" and marched right up to Barack and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around to look and me and I just said the word and nothing else. I can write off this happening once or twice in my dreams but three separate events is too much.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to do this. Every time it happens my work suffers the next day. I've started lying to my wife saying I've been having nightmares but I'm not sure she fully believes it. Lately, I've been worrying I might start saying it in my sleep and she could hear. I'm at my wits end and I want it to stop.