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26 of 29 (90%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

1-800-CLEARED

Finish the game
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2015 @ 1:28pm

1-800-GETHELP

Finish the game on hard mode
Unlocked 31 Mar, 2015 @ 8:45am

NUCLEAR WASTE

They won't reach the Nuclear Throne
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2015 @ 3:26am

FANTASTIC!

Unlock all the Fans
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2015 @ 11:16am

THESE ARE MY RIFLES, THESE ARE MY GUNS...

Unlock all weapons for the Soldier
Unlocked 12 Mar, 2015 @ 9:38am

SNAKE CHARMER

Unlock all snake masks
Unlocked 12 Mar, 2015 @ 8:51am

WHAT YOU LEAVE FOR YOUR SONS

Unlock all of the Son's techniques
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2015 @ 12:15pm

FANATIC

Clear a level with each Fan
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2015 @ 11:50am

FAMILY BUSINESS

Clear a level with each of the Son's techniques
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2015 @ 9:36am

SNAKES ON A HEAD

Clear a level with each snake mask
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2015 @ 9:27am

DON'T LET ANGER GET THE BEST OF YOU

Clear all of the Writer's levels without killing
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2015 @ 2:35am

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

Get the big picture
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2015 @ 12:17pm

A BOX FULL OF SHARP OBJECTS

Use every weapon in the game at least once
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2015 @ 2:45am

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE

Destroy 100 electronic devices
Unlocked 12 Mar, 2015 @ 7:22am

KARMA

Die 1000 times
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2015 @ 11:37am

GOT YOUR BACK

Shoot two enemies during a chainsaw finish
Unlocked 12 Mar, 2015 @ 4:36am

FOLLOW THE SCRIPT

Do as the Director says!
Unlocked 12 Mar, 2015 @ 7:16am

ASSASSIN'S CRED

Clear the 1st floor of NO MERCY with the silencer
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2015 @ 11:01am

DEAD SILENT

Finish SUBWAY without the Gang Leader seeing you
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2015 @ 3:50am

I'M COMING IN AND I'M UNARMED!

Finish HOMICIDE without using guns
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2015 @ 3:28am

STARE INTO THE ABYSS

Unlock THE ABYSS
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2015 @ 1:42pm

THE BAR OF BROKEN HEROES

Meet up with the Biker
Unlocked 12 Mar, 2015 @ 7:52am

COMBO BEGINNER

Perform a 5x combo
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2015 @ 3:31am

COMBO INTERMEDIATE

Perform a 10x combo
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2015 @ 4:39am

COMBO MASTER

Perform a 15x combo
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2015 @ 1:02pm

COMBO GOD

Perform a 20x combo
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2015 @ 10:29am



ACHIEVEMENT WHORE

Unlock all achievements

1-800-GODDAMN

Get A+ on all levels on normal

GENOCIDE

Kill 50,000 enemies