this is that type of profile where you don't notice you have a raging
boner until after you read this summary and your grandma was in the room so now ♥♥♥♥ is mad awkward but your grandma slowly unzips your pants and you're surprisingly okay with this and so is she. after the sex, your grandmother lights up a cigarette but dies from inhaling too much smoke. you run to your mom's room crying because your grandma just died but it's too late. All you see is me, plowing down on your mom's ass, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ her into the next dimension. I am now your father. "Go to your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ room and do your work. none of them stupid computer games for a whole week" i say as i chug another beer. and kids that's how I, Ted Mosby, met your mother *continues to beat kids* - the story of literally every white kid in lower middle class homes from the 90's *old blink-182 plays* "parents suuuUUUUuUuUUuuck" *Ted Mosby comes back and breaks the stereo* he's drunk as ♥♥♥♥ and unstoppable. "I'll ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ beat your ass", says Ted, as he grabs your vintage baseball bat signed by some black player from the 80's or some ♥♥♥♥ and swings full force into your jaw. you can't speak. you call for your mom but Ted Mosby has already killed her too. Ted Mosby breaks the window open and cartwheels
into the sky on his JD Razor. Ted Mosby is king.